


Spring is Sure to Follow

by INTPSlytherin_reylove97



Series: Of the Seasons [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But because they are together in the future, California Central Valley, Depression, F/M, Flashforwards, Gen, Growing Up is Rough, History Repeatd Itself and Ben kind of Hates While Rey Thinks It's Hilarious, Jyn and Cassian Parents of the Year, Jyn and Cassian are Rey's adoptive parents, Mention of Suicide Attmept, Miscarriage Mentioned, Reylo Children, Sort of Reylo, Spoilers to Trusting December, Which This Might Break Your Heart Occasionally If You've Read Trusting December, Young Rey, angst sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-03-21 14:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 34,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13742997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INTPSlytherin_reylove97/pseuds/INTPSlytherin_reylove97
Summary: At nineteen, Ben Solo dropped out of college, was diagnosed with depression, and was sent to live with his godparents, Jyn and Cassian Andor- Erso.He thought he would hate it, but for once in his life he has a place to call home.* * * *A companion fic, series of oneshots,  to ‘Trusting December’.Includes flashbacks and flash-forwards.





	1. Glow in the Dark Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I must be insane (or far too INTP) because I have three other fics and I am starting a one shot series.  
> Enjoy!

December 15th 2007

Tiny glow in the dark stars adorned the ceiling. The green hue reminded Ben of neon slime, yet the glow made the brightness of the neon duller. He recalled when he once begged his mother to let him stick the obnoxious stars on his own bedroom ceiling back when they lived in the townhouse in Sacramento. She said no because the townhouse was only ‘temporary’; Leia had been campaigning for her close friend Amylin Holdo, for the senate seat. They only stayed at the townhouse for three months before his mother had hired movers to box up their belongings, their next stop Washington.

Ben found it ironic that now at nineteen, fourteen years later, he finally had glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of his bedroom… another temporary bedroom.

Cassian and Jyn had been as welcoming as they could be under the circumstances. Jyn had helped him unpack, though he had a feeling it was to check to see if he had any harmful objects in his possession. He didn’t, his father intensely watching him pack at five in the morning the previous day. Neither acknowledged the missing guest bedroom door. As Cassian cooked dinner, he had Ben sit at the kitchen counter, helping with dinner by passing which ever spices and ingredients were asked for. They both involved him in the dinner table conversation, Rey chattering for most the meal, as though she were unaware as to why Ben was staying with her family.

The humming blast of the heater echoed in the cozy home; Ben burrowed deeper into his duvet and sheets, hoping the sound would lull him to sleep.

Just as the pull of slumber began to shut his eyelids, a faint hiss of ‘ _Ben_ ’ awoke him. Lifting his head from his pillow, he caught sight of Rey lingering by the doorway. Her usual three buns hair style had been let down, twisted into twin braids. She fiddled with her left braid as she waited for any sign of movement from him. She perked at the sight of him awake. The girl shuffled into the room, her penguin slippers squeaking softly with each step. Rey quickly plopped herself on the foot of his bed facing Ben, not waiting for an invitation. Her gleeful smile from earlier that evening had been replaced with pensive frown directed towards him.

Concerned, Ben sat up, “What’s up?” He muttered, voice dry from exhaustion and disrupted sleep.

She twisted at her braid again, eyes dropping down from him to the checkered grey and blue pattern of his duvet. “You’re not really here for visit, are you?” Ben bit his lips, wincing at the crack in Rey’s voice. Even in faint the glow of the neon stars, Ben could see the glistening pools building up in her eyes. “Something _bad_ happened.” She stated, already knowing the answer.

Not trusting his voice, Ben nodded solemnly.

Rey leaned forward and hurtled herself into Ben, him catching her in a clumsy hug. She buried her face into his chest, crying quietly, “Why? You’re my friend. Why would you want to do that?”

Why?

Well…

…Ben felt the reasons drift away into an abyss as the young girl’s tears soaked his t-shirt.

He squeezed Rey in the hug, to reassure them both that he was there with her, present and in the moment. “You’re my friend too kiddo.” Ben admitted quietly, as Rey slowly pulled away from him. He focused his gaze on the glow-in-the-dark stars, unable to see the girl distraught. Especially since he was the unfortunate cause.

Following his line of sight, Rey gave a phantom smile.


	2. Voicemails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no chill.   
> Enjoy!

December 20th 2007

_Ben… I’m—I’m just calling to see how you are doing…Jyn says you have been helping around the house, which is great…I’m sorry I wasn’t there to send you off—_

Ben deleted the message.

_Hey kid, so I am just calling to check in. Like I said I would… See? I can follow some basic—Shit! Someone just cut me off. That motherfuck—_

Ben deleted the message.

_Ben. I heard what happened. I, I feel like it’s partially my fault—I can’t do this over the phone. Call me when you have the chance._

Ben hesitated, thumb hovering over the button. Shaking his head, he deleted the message.

_Ben, please answer your phone! I have called four times before I decided to just call Jyn. I need to know you are alright.  Can you at least do that?_

Ben pressed the asterisk button hard, momentarily surprised the plastic didn’t crack under his thumb.

_Benjamin, I read the most fascinating article on the National Theatre’s production of Hamlet. I remembered how much you love Shakespeare, you use to be able to recite all of ‘to be or not to be’ like a professional. I could not help but to call you. Please call me back. Love you._

Ben ended voicemail messages. Without second thought, he dialed the number he knew by heart.

Two dial tones in and the distinct sound of someone picking up the phone on the other line invaded his ear. “Hi Grandma,” He breathed, “I’d really like to hear about that article.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grandma Paddy is the best :)  
> Bonus points to whoever can figure out the order of the messages.


	3. Rey's Twelfth Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have all these moments kind of prewritten, and that is why this is getting updated so quickly. Also, I don't exercise this little thing called patience. Which you all reap the benefits from.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

From ‘Trusting December’

 _Ben recalled how coveted Rey’s birthday was for the Andor-Erso family. Ever since she was adopted, Rey’s parents held an intimate birthday dinner and an outing of Rey’s choice with only the family. He had the privilege to be present for her twelfth birthday, despite it not being under the best circumstances. That year, Rey had wanted to go to the beach, a three hour drive, to feed the sea lions and eat_ real _seafood._

_Things went downhill fast once she saw the crabs and fishes at the exhibit, nearly bursting into tears when the four of them sat down for dinner. Needless to say she had an impromptu counseling session with her father in the middle of a semi-busy restaurant._

* * *

 

December 21st 2007

“They look so sad.” Rey whispered as she watched the sea lions dive in and out of the water, their loud barking echoing going off the walls of the narrow viewing space. 

“That’s just their faces, Rey.” Ben reminded her, bumping her shoulder lightly with his elbow. He stepped forward and leaned against the railing of the sea lion enclosure, hoping to catch a better look of the mammals’ expert swimming.

The smallest of the bunch popped his head out of the water, barked cheerfully at Ben, and then drove right back into the water. The sea lions wanted more food, but both Rey and Ben had already feed them the little baggies of chopped fish pieces they purchased at the aquariums entrance.

Well, Ben fed the sea lions the chopped fish; Rey looked a little queasy at the sight of the baggie. Noticing this, Cassian decided to help his daughter by feeding the sea lions for her.

For her twelfth birthday, Rey wanted to go to visit the coastal line and eat _real_ seafood. Ben found this demand both amusing and concerning, especially after the face she pulled at the sight of dead fish. The trip involved a three hour car ride to the California central coast, to the little town of Morro Bay. The tourist spot for central Californians was in its off-season, the downtown streets bare except for the occasional local walking their dog along the breezy bay.

Ben found himself liking the dreary weather. Something about the lingering morning mist and overcast clouds stirred contentment within him.

The little family, plus Ben were staying at a quaint beach house along the hills of the bay for the next two days, before heading back for Christmas. It was supposed to be a simple, calm vacation…

“Look at the poor fish!” Rey cried as they moved from the sea lions into the indoor portion of the aquarium. Various glass tanks lined the walls, a few fish and sea creatures in each. A brief paragraph about the species was positioned on the top corner of the glass of each tank. Jyn and Cassian trailed behind Ben and Rey, though came forward at Rey’s concerned.

“Stardust, they are _rescue_ fish. That means some of them might not look in their best shape because they were injured.” Jyn reassured Rey, wrapping an arm around her daughter. Ben was surprised to notice Rey brushed an inch or two shorter than Jyn, Rey had been nearly a head shorter than her mother a year ago.

“But shouldn’t they be _happy_ that they were rescued?” Rey stressed, arms crossed. The stance made her look younger, _yet_ older than her twelve years of age. There was a sense of impending maturity that was trapped in her somewhat childlike body, the forever struggle of the transition from childhood to adolescence. All she needed was an eye roll to complete the picture.

Over her head, Jyn and Cassian shared a contemplative look—a private conversation seemed to occur between the couple. This was something he found enchanting about Jyn and Cassian’s relationship—they were keenly attuned to one another. He often wondered how such a relationship is formed, to just look at someone and know they are thinking the same thing. Or that they understood your thought process, and trusted you to understand them as well.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Cassian announced, “We’re going to finish walking through the exhibit, then go through town a bit, and if you are still up for getting seafood—”

“I am.” Rey declared, chin held high.

Cassian cut off his own sigh; the loving father had been doing that more often than not lately. Rey had always been a sweet and caring child, more so than most children, but she was _stubborn_. Exceedingly stubborn—and it only became _worse_ in her preteens. Not that Ben was too startled by the turn of events. He knew Rey was going to be ridiculously stubborn person the moment that girl latched on to him during New Year’s Eve some odd years ago… and he had yet to be wrong.

“Then we will get seafood when we are done exploring.” Jyn interjected, pulling Rey tighter to her side before letting go altogether.

Rey nodded to her parents with a proud smile that didn’t quite reach her usually bright hazel eyes.

Ben sighed; she was still thinking about the ‘sad’ fish.

Once they finished their walk through the exhibit, the rest of the afternoon was spent popping in and out of the tiny shops lining the bay. Most of the shops were touristy in nature, selling sweaters and hats broadcasting the town’s name in ghastly bright colors, but occasionally they held something of interest. Such as the salt water taffy candy shop tucked between a surf apparel store and retro novelty store. Rey’s eyes widen at the sight of the barrels full of individual flavors, voicing to Ben her careful thought process of which flavors she’d think would taste best. From the salt water taffy shop, to a seashell store—“Why does a beach town have a seashell store, when you can pick your own right over there?” Rey asked as she and Ben strolled through the cramped aisles of seashell garlands and necklaces.

Ben shrugged, picking up an empty clam with googly eyes glued to the top. “Consumerism and capitalism, Rey. It’s always about consumerism and capitalism.” He droned, dropping the clam back on to the pile with its brother and sisters.

Rey pursed her lips thoughtfully, swatting absently at the seashell wind chimes dangling above her. “I don’t think I like that.”

“You don’t have to.”

Rey craned her head back and smile up at Ben. He tried to smile back, but found himself unable to.

A colder, smaller hand grabbed his own. Rey tugged at his hand, “Come on, I think I saw an ice cream place further up the street.”

 

* * *

 

Around five-thirty, Rey had begun to get tired from all the walking, not to mention the early morning car ride they endured to get to the beach. “Mija, why don’t we just order some pizza tonight, or maybe I can grill something back at the beach house?” Cassian offered at the sight of Rey rubbing her eyes. “We can try to do seafood tomorrow.”

“But today is my birthday.” Rey argued, “We _always_ go out to eat on my birthday.”

“Stardust, it’s been a long day. I am not sure if we all up to eating in a restaurant,” Jyn tried to convince her daughter, “We’ll still be celebrating your birthday, it’ll just be a day later.”

Ben watched the trio’s conversation with suppressed interest, already sensing they were going to have a birthday dinner no matter what happened. He had to commend Jyn and Cassian for being level headed, a fleeting part of him expected a yelling match…

…But this was Jyn and Cassian, not his parents. Jyn and Cassian spoke with quiet and sincere ferocity, Ben unable to recall if either had ever raised their voice at Rey.  

“I want to have my birthday dinner today.”

 

Oh, how she’d regret those words…

 

Ben wasn’t one to experience second hand embarrassment, but witnessing Rey involuntarily gag at the sight of the calamari and crab cake bites, he felt his ears burn red.

Jyn and Cassian relented and decided to have Rey’s birthday dinner at the Warf Café, and it seemed as though their worries about Rey’s… _sensitivity_ towards sea creatures were for nothing. She ordered her own food, ate half of the bread rolls, and drank her Shirley Temple greedily. She sat primly beside her father, trying to act far more mature than the defiant attitude she displayed earlier. From beside him, Ben caught Jyn gnawing on her straw, jaw tense, as though she expected something to go wrong.

And Rey becoming a sickly pale at the sight of cooked, dead sea creatures was exactly that.

“Mija, it’s already dead. You have eaten fish before, remember?” Cassian spoke calmly as he grabbed Rey’s shoulders, attempting to turn her to face him. She squared away from him, frowning. “You eat shrimp and salmon, and you _love_ clam chowder.”

“But I’ve never seen their faces! They just had the life snuffed out of them.” Rey’s eyes were still glued to the appetizers. “That squid was probably alive two hours ago. And now it’s dead. On a _plate_.”

Jyn glanced at her husband, the man rubbing the faint stubble on his chin, before turning to her daughter. “Rey, you _wanted_ to eat seafood. This is seafood. If you did not feel up to it, you should have spoken up.”

Rey pursed her lips, eyes ping-ponging back and forth between her mother’s expectant stare and the appetizers. With a huff, Rey reached for a piece of calamari and slowly brought it back to her plate. “Fine.” She sighed, about to put the calamari in her mouth before suddenly dropping back on her plate. “No. I can’t do it.”

Jyn held back a groan of frustration, hot air puffing from her nose, while Cassian intensely rubbed his jaw, hand covering his mouth. They were the picture of level headed parents trying not to keep their intensely growing frustration at bay. Cassian turned to look his daughter in the eye, “Rey,” he began, “You do realize all the meat you eat comes from an animal that once was living?” Both adults watched Rey warily, prepared for ether a meltdown or a mild response.

“Of course I know,” The girl answered exasperated, arms crossed over her chest. “I live in the largest agricultural area in the United States. I know where meat comes from.”

Jyn rose an eyebrow. “Watch the tone sassy pants.” A mumbled ‘sorry’ came from Rey, yet her stance remained the same.

Cassian switched from frustrated father, to curious counselor. “Then why is seafood a problem Rey? It is essentially the same thing.”

“No it’s not.” Rey declared loudly, all eyes slightly widening at her frantic tone. “Cattle, chicken, and pigs are raised for slaughter while these fishes are _captured,_ to either live in a tank their entire lives or if they are edible, be eaten.”

Ben felt his lips quirk at the girl’s fierce argument. Unable to help himself, Ben asked, “Have you ever read _Charlotte’s Web_?”

Rey rolled her eyes, Ben more amused than offended by the action. “Yes. And I found it unrealistic and boring.” She sighed, looking at the faces surrounding the table. As though realizing she was losing in this situation, Rey slowly pushed her plate away. Her eyes blinked back to her mother and father, both no longer frustrated, but awaiting the inevitable. “Can we get pizza instead?”

 

* * *

 

“Okay, I think that is twelve candles.” Jyn announced as she slid the last tiny candle into the marble cake’s buttercream frosting.

After paying for the two appetizers, the Andor-Erso family left the restaurant, Jyn calling the local pizza parlor as they trekked back to the car. The car ride back to the beach house was filled with silence, Rey’s eyes locked on her green Converse with guilt. She wasn’t really in trouble, but it was evident Jyn and Cassian weren’t too pleased about the situation. But once they were back at the beach house, it was as though it had never happened, everyone helping to get the table ready for dinner. A birthday dinner filled with laughter and teasing, as well as a deep discussion on why ‘ _Charlotte’s Web_ is awful’ (turns out Rey found it boring because she was already reading at _seventh grade level_ in third grade, when the book was a required reading).

The family crowded around Rey at the table, Jyn setting the cake in front of her daughter. As they softly sang to her, Cassian lighted the candles. The warm glow of the candles reflected in Rey’s hazel eyes, the light brown within the hazel dancing brighter from the light. The girl smiling tenderly to those surrounding her.

“Make a wish, Stardust.” Jyn whispered, pressing a quick kiss on the crown of Rey’s head.

Rey shut her eyes tight, thinking long and hard. She blinked open her eyes, “I don’t think I have a wish.” She muttered, “Because I have everything I want right here.”

Her surprisingly poignant statement left Jyn and Cassian proudly silent, the couple glancing at each other, something unrecognizable passing between the two. Something Ben probably wouldn’t understand until he had children of his own.

Rey blew out the candles. Ben watched as the flames’ smoke drifted into the air until it dissipated into nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twelve year olds are weird. It's probably one of the most difficult ages, because every part is growing at different rates; physically, emotionally, mentally. We kind of get that in this chapter.  
> Morro Bay is a real place, including some of the shops they visit, but Warf Café is not. 
> 
> To everyone reading 'Trusting December' (and if you're not and you're reading this fic, PLEASE READ 'Trusting December' because so many things will hit you harder and make more sense if you do): My updates will mostly be on the weekends now. So look out for the next chapter around Saturday-Sunday.


	4. Journal Entry #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is another one, mostly because writing these one shots kind of helps me when I get stuck on one of the chapters I'm writing. Enjoy!

December 23rd 2007

_Dear Self,_

_This is stupid._

_Sincerely,_

_Ben_

Ben violently ripped the paper out of the leather bound notebook, not caring if he was damaging the careful binding. Crumpling the sheet up, he tossed it towards his closet where three other balls of paper were thrown haphazardly. The toss created a brief arching shadow across the room, an unwelcomed greeting. The dark shadow reminded him of the late hour, the grey desk lamp the only source of light in the room that wouldn’t possibly disturb the kid sleeping in the room across from his own.

At twelve, Rey was still afraid to sleep alone. Which meant, she slept with the door open to feel some semblance of company. Ben tried his best not to be too loud or turn on the main light in the room; at least one of them deserved a good night’s sleep.

Sighing, hands clenched, he turned on the ancient swivel chair to face the imposing navy blue journal on his desk. He’d try again.

_Dear Self,_

_I am writing this because Cassian said it will help me. Let the record show, I think this is stupid._

Ben paused, chewing on his upper lip. The digital clock on the bedside table blinked _11:45P.M._ in bold red. He still had fifteen minutes to kill. Lifting his pen to the paper, he continued.

_I can’t sleep, so I thought I might as well write. But about what, well, who knows? Maybe I can write about how I don’t know what to write about. A clever paradox._

Ben sniffed at the sentence, slightly amused by his own writing.

_Cassian said I should write for a total of thirty minutes every day. To get what is on my chest off my chest. But how can I do that if I feel indifferent about everything?_

Ben stared at the sentence. Did he feel indifferent? The opposite of love was indifference. Apathy. But did he even _love_? Love was a strong word, something reserved for classic regency novels, not down trodden Ben Solo. A boy who read too much and talked too little, to the point he did not know when to speak up.

He didn’t like his parents. He knew _that_. He didn’t like going to University of Coruscant. He was _sure_ of that. He _did_ like London, even missed it some days… so he wasn’t indifferent towards London. He might even consider the idea that maybe, just maybe her liked living with Luke? After all, it wasn't Ben's decision to leave.

That was a good start if there was any.

_Ok, so that last sentence was a lie. I am not indifferent about everything. I miss London, and to miss something that means you had to have loved some part of it… right?_

Ben’s gaze drifted to the stack of books on the corner of his desk. At some point during the day, Rey had snuck into his room and left the pile there. _Pride & Prejudice, Emma,_ and _Persuasion_.

_I did miss Jyn and Cassian. It was better when we all lived closer together. I even missed Rey, though she’s kind of annoying, but not as bad as before._

A sense of brief relief breathed through him. He was not apathetic towards everyone in his life; he might have loathed himself if it were true.

He glanced at the digital clock. _12:07A.M_. He wrote longer than necessary… and a part of him did not want to stop.

Ben could honestly say he fulfilled Cassian’s suggestion. This accomplishment felt oddly satisfying.

Rereading what he wrote, Ben frowned. He did not like the idea of writing to himself… Without second though he crossed out ‘Self’ and wrote the first name that came to mind. _Kylo Ren._

He always liked the name ‘Kylo’, even convincing others that it was his nickname when he was at university. But now he found it tainted after his incident at Coruscant. If he wanted to get better, maybe it was best to let the past die…and what better way to say goodbye than with writing.

_Dear Kylo Ren…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Journaling is extremely therapeutic, even if it feels a little awkward in the beginning. Ben genuinely does want to get better, and this is his first step (made on his own) in doing so.
> 
> And I actually get to use the name 'Kylo Ren' in the series! There were several drafts of 'Trusting December' that included the name 'Kylo Ren' in some capacity before I decided to axe it all together...but I still felt guilty about it. Until now, of course.


	5. Christmas Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's midterm week for me, and writing helps me relax. So here you go

December 25th

The Christmas lights illuminated the dark living room. Ben consecutively opened and squinted his eyes to see the tiny lights sharpen and expand in their blur. The lights soothed him, but not enough for sleep to greet him with open arms.

A small elbow jammed into his ribs again. Ben grunted, shifting further to his left to avoid another assault. As a Christmas tradition, the family camped out in the living room after opening presents at midnight. Ben found himself situated on the floor between the sofa and Rey. The girl did not know how to lay still, Ben jabbed, bumped and kicked in last hour.

Ben wondered if Rey struggled with sleep—not so much the falling asleep, or staying asleep, but the struggle to have _restful_ sleep. He tore his eyes away from the Christmas lights garlanded over the modest tree, to the girl’s scrunched up face. Her lips pressed into a soft grimace, her eyebrows pulling towards each other. She turned on her side, hands blindly trying to reach for the blankets she kicked off earlier in the night. Past her, he saw Jyn and Cassian lay together. The way Jyn curled into Cassian, and the man holding her securely reminded Ben of puzzle pieces; the puzzle pieces that would remain stuck together once the puzzle was demolished by the wave and tumble of a child’s hands. Somehow still connected because they were made to fit each other _so well_ , not even a destroyed landscape could ruin the personal portrait of their connection.

The blind arms latched on to him rather than the blankets. As second nature, Ben lifts the girl’s arm and deposits it beside her.

With a huff, Ben turns of his side to face the sofa, eyes trailing the stitching the grey cushions. Behind him, he hears Rey shift again. He feels the warmth of another a few inches away from him. He glances over his shoulder; Rey is curled on her right side, her back turned to him.

He nods to himself once before closing his eyes to the darkness behind his eyelids.

In his mind, he reaches for the illuminating Christmas lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't caught on yet Ben has some insomnia. It was briefly mentioned in 'Trusting December'. In this time of his life he specifically has sleep onset insomnia, which is the difficulty falling asleep. Later in his life, around two years before 'Trusting December' takes place he has sleep-maintenance insomnia (its just as annoying, speaking from experience), which is waking up too early and having a difficult time falling back asleep.


	6. Burning Fields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go for a walk.

December 26th

“So… it doesn’t snow. Like at all?” Ben asked.

“Nope.” Rey shrugged, the movement knocking the hood of her forest green jacket back. “It’s just cold and foggy. Sometimes roads get closed and school gets canceled because no can see past their door.”

“Why does anybody even live here?” Ben squinted at the desolate land, unable to help the grimace on his face at the sight of the dead foliage. The perpetual overcast sky hung above their heads, grey and light blue streaks reminding the people below that a ‘sun’ does exist but will not be seen for days, maybe weeks. Fields stretched out west for a few acres until a random row of houses lined a forgotten street. To the east, a long, agonizingly tiresome road led to the closest town, Lucas. It usually took a twenty to thirty minute drive if there wasn’t any tractors crossing the road to the filed on the other side.

He really was in the middle of nowhere.

He and Rey had gone for a walk, the twelve year old the seasoned traveler in their journey. Earlier in the day, the girl babbled about the goats in a neighbor’s yard less than a mile away. Ben admitted he had never really seen a goat up close, which led a numbing-cold walk down the stretch of poorly poured asphalt.

“Sure, it kind of sucks in the winter,” Rey mumbled, kicking a rock in her path. “There’s nothing to do,” There was _nothing_ to do anywhere nearby. The closest movie theatre was two towns _past_ Lucas, and if they wanted to go, a day had to be made out of it. That meant if there were any errands or things they needed from that area, they were going to _somehow_ fit it into that day. “But it’s beautiful in the spring.”

Ben’s ears perked up at the word ‘beautiful’. It wasn’t a word often used in Rey’s vocabulary, the girl often saying pleasant things were either ‘pretty’ or ‘nice’, but never ‘beautiful’.

“In the spring, there’s the Blossom Trail Festival downtown, and the cherry and peach trees are in bloom. And all this local art gets put on display. Then there’s the carnival and the community theatre’s musical. And the bake-off! Then the farmer’s market! I love the farmers market.” Rey gushed, Ben huffing out a semblance of a laugh at her excitement.

“It sounds like it’s so bad in the spring.” Ben mumbled, Rey grinning up at him. Suddenly the smell of smoke hit his nostrils, causing him to halt in their stride. “Is, is there something _burning_?”

Rey turned to him, face pinched in confusion. She sniffed for a moment, then nodded. “Probably.”

Ben gapped at the preteen’s nonchalance at the revelation. “Something is burning, Rey, most likely on fire and it is not _bothering_ you?”

Noticing his concern, Rey gave a resigned sighed. With a shake of her head, she grasped his hand and pulled him further down the road. He followed the girl blindly, Ben startled by her tiny, confident steps. The two came to stop in front of one of the larger fields, the rows of small bushes lit in a low flame. Smoke billowed slowly over the icy land, but faded out once a few feet away from the ground.

“In the winter, after the harvest, all the fields are burned.” Rey told him, her hand still holding Ben’s. “It gets rid of the left over plants that are already dying, and helps the seeding in the spring.”

Ben continued to watch the field burn, unaware of the silent tears sliding his face.

“Ben…” Rey spoke quietly, her pensive gaze locked in the young man. “Are you depressed?”

Ben blinked back at the jarring question, yet he did not look down at the girl, in fear she’ll see the answer in his too vulnerable face. Her perception was off the charts for someone her age; it made Ben uncomfortable of how well she read him. “You can’t ask people that type of question, Rey.”

He knew Rey knew he tried to end his life. He knew it bothered her by the random stares she’d give him, or when she’d sneak into his room at night, thinking he wouldn’t notice, and to take a quick look if he was still there. A twelve year old did not need the burden of being concerned for an emotionally unstable nineteen year old.

“But I did some reading,” Rey began to argue, her smaller hand squeezing the life out of his. “And a lot of people who are depressed try to commit suicide,” Ben flinched at the phrase, not liking how it tumbled out of Rey’s mouth.

“Stop,” Ben mumbled, squeezing Rey’s hand. The girl, for once, listened to his plea. Summoning up the courage he did not think he ever possessed, Ben couched down to be eyelevel with Rey. Her hazel eyes bore into his brown; her eyes carried a reckless wisdom she had yet learned to wield. One hand rested on his knees to steady himself, while he intertwined their connected hands, his larger hand engulfing hers. “You don’t have to worry about that. At all,” Ben choked out, “because it’s _never_ going to happen again. _Never_ , I can promise you that, Rey.” Ben spoke fiercely, his heart tugging at the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. He hated making her cry; he did not want to be the cause of her pain, Rey didn’t deserve that. “Because I’m going to be honest—it scared me shitless. I was _scared_ , really scared, Rey” Ben admitted aloud for the first time since the incident. The heavy rock resting in his chest felt not as rough or jagged, and was _mayb_ e even lighter than before.

Rey let out a shaky breath, her free hand struggling to wipe away her as the cool air making their sting worse. “But, but you’re not scared now?”

Ben shook his head. “No,” He replied honestly, surprising himself by the declaration. “How can I be scared when I got you by my side?”

Her concerned frown broke out into a sad smile. It was a step up from her tears, Ben silently reminded himself as the girl tired on her heel to continue her path to the goats.

Not everything could be fixed with reassuring words; time and patience was needed. Both of which they had plenty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I grew up in town like the fictional Lucas. It's pretty boring during the winter, except for the field burning and the annual downtown Christmas parade. I actually forgot about the field burining until I went back to my hometown this past winter and was jarred by the smell of smoke, until I saw the prescribed burns at five in the morning.


	7. Of Mice and Men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something familiar, yet different with this chapter. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also spoilers if you have never read 'Of Mice and Men' by John Steinbeck.

**December 30th 2007**

“I hate this book.” Rey declared throwing the hardcover novella on Ben’s bed from the bedroom doorway. The twelve year old stomped into the room, throwing herself face first on to the bed horizontally. “I _hate_ it so much!” She shouted into the checkered duvet. Her feet dangled off the bed, her penguin slippers dropping off her feet as she shifted to get more comfortable.

Sitting at his desk, Ben blinked, stunned by the girl’s outburst. “I’m sorry…?”

“It’s horrible! Why would you even give it to me?” She cried out, pushing herself to sit up. Ben noticed Rey’s puffy, pinkish eyes. Confused, Ben stood up and crossed to the thrown book.

Ah.

That’s why she was upset.

“Did you hate it because it was a bad book,” Ben asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, across from Rey, “or did you hate it because it was so _good,_ that it was painful to not get a happy ending?”

Rey did not answer. Instead, she pulled her knees into her chest, looking confused rather than upset. “I just don’t understand why Lennie had to die.” She admitted quietly, “He wasn’t a bad guy, he just made some mistakes.”

“Like accidentially killing a woman and puppy?” Ben tried to joke, but Rey’s fierce frown made him regret it instantly.

“And he was killed by his own best friend!” Rey shrilled.

“Shh, keep your voice down.” Ben reminded her—it was already past midnight, Rey sent to bed two hours ago. Of course, she did not go to bed, but stayed up late to finish the latest book Ben loaned her. “Rey, it’s sad. I know. I was really upset after I read it too.” Ben tried to console her, not expecting Rey to get worked up over the novella.

“But what does that say about people who are different? That they just can’t fit into society? That they can’t get help?” Ben…definitely did not expect _that_. She was interpreting the book on a deeper level than most twelve year olds. Rey huffed again, “He was _mentally disabled_.” She pressed, staring Ben dead in the eye. “He did not understand his own strength, because nobody tried to help him understand, or even tried to understand.”

“So…you’re upset because Lennie was misunderstood?” Ben asked, fiddling with the book’s spine. It was worn out, the hardcover bent and busted at the edges, but not from his use. The copy was a found in a box of his dad’s things a few years back…actually, now that he thought about it, he found the copy when he was about Rey’s age. It was when they still lived in Manhattan Beach, near Los Angeles, before the move to Washington. His dad was out of town for the weekend, but was still behind on unpacking his things from their move to Manhattan Beach the year previous. Han decided to give Ben the job to finally unpack the last box before Leia threw it out in the dumpster.

Ben found the book and just kept it. He told himself he took it because he wanted to read the book, but another part hidden behind the thin compliance he showed for his parents, took the book because it was the only one he ever saw in his father’s possessions.

Han never asked about the book or its whereabouts.

“Yes.” Rey nodded once, biting her lower lip in thought.

“Well,” Ben observed the girl with bright, concerned hazel eyes. She was too good sometimes. He wondered why she choose to pester and follow him with half her heart on her sleeve, when she could go find kids her own age to…do whatever it is twelve years do on holiday breaks. “I think, you feeling this way proves you are a compassionate person, Rey. It’s a quality not a lot of people have, or care to express.”

Rey lifted her head slightly, curious at Ben’s thought out response. “I think you’re compassionate too.”

Ben barked out a laugh, clapping a hand over his mouth. “No. No I’m not.” He shook his head. “I’m far from compassionate.”

Rey’s disappointment did not need to be spoken, her gaze dropping away from Ben. “But you are… even if you don’t want to admit it.”

Well… that’s… _yeah._

Ben cleared his throat, “Uh, why don’t you keep the book?” He held it out to Rey, the girl sending him a questioning glance as she grasped the book. “I hardly ever read it anymore…and I think you might want to reread it in a few years or something…” He mumbled, trailing off. He only held on to the book for sentimental reasons that seemed foolish now—his dad probably only kept it because he had hoarding tendencies and never got around to throwing the old copy out.

Rey shrugged, standing up from the bed. She shoved her fee back into her slippers. “Not really, but I guess I’ll take it.”

* * *

 

**January 10 th 2018**

“Why the hell do you have so many books?” Ben shouted, lugging the third crate of books to the increasingly crowded bookshelf in the corner of the living room. “There is no way all of our books are going to fit, Rey.” Ben warned, setting the crate down.

“We can make it work!” Rey exclaimed from further in the apartment, probably unpacking the rest of her clothing in the bed room.

The next semester started in a week and a half, which meant if Rey wanted to move in with Ben she needed to get her remaining belongings out of her dorm to free the space for new students before the next half of the school year. Ben and Rey had been packing and moving her things from her dorm for most of the day. The last of it was her books, which she had more of than Ben anticipated.

She seriously brought her entire library from her childhood home to her dorm, to now, their apartment.

He really liked that is was _their_ apartment.

Ben began pulling out the books, coming across another copy of _Emma_ and _Jane Eyre_. “How many copies does she need of one book?” Ben mumbled to himself, shelving the books nonetheless.

Reaching in again, he pulled out a smaller, hardcover, navy blue book. The edges were bent from use…he flipped the book right side up.

_Of Mice and Men_

He…he gave her this book.

Clutching the book tightly, a clear memory of a twelve year old Rey came to the forefront of his mind. She’d been _so_ upset about the book, it was almost comical…yet she kept the book, even when she didn’t like the ending.

Opening the cover, he noticed how she didn’t cross out his name on the first page, but simply wrote hers beside his clumsy twelve year old cursive. He grinned down at the book, flicking through the pages, noticing how her notes in the margins were jumbled beside his.

“What’s got you all smiley?” Rey asked as she came to sit beside Ben, pulling the crate towards her.

He lifted the book, “You kept _Of Mice and Men_.”

Rey squinted at the book, then shrugged. “Yeah…” She muttered, not really sure what point Ben was trying to prove.

Ben sighed, moving from his crouched position to sitting across from Rey. “I gave you this book, like ten years ago.”

“You did?” Rey frowned, pulling out the remaining couple of books from the crate. “I don’t remember that.” She shoved a book in the slim space above the row of squished hardcovers and paperbacks.

Ben gapped at his girlfriend, shocked she didn’t remember. “You really don’t?”

Rey smiled sadly, pulling the book from Ben’s hands. She splayed her hand over the cover, as though the battered and worn cardboard would magically present her the memory. It didn’t. “I remember not liking it because Lennie died…” She licked her lips, “But for some reason I kept it.”

“Because I asked you to keep it. I gave it to you.” Ben insisted.

Rey laughed, “I believe you, Ben. Just because I don’t remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” She reassured him, scooting closer to him until she was able to wrap her arms around his neck. “Need I remind you, I was _twelve_?”

Ben stared down at the woman he called his girlfriend, or even better yet, had been calling his friend for over a decade. Somehow certain things from their friendship in their younger years had been circling back to them seamlessly, as though they were always meant to reconnect.

Ben decided fate was a funny little thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I turn Ben into a sap in these one-shots?!
> 
> Like Rey, I threw my copy of 'Of Mice and Men' and cried. It was the first book I genuinely got upset about, and changed fourteen year old me forever.


	8. Sprained Wrists*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am to crush your souls and revive them minutes later :)
> 
> Also, if you are reading this and you haven't read 'Trusting December', GO READ 'Trusting December' because there are sort-of spoilers in this chapter.

**December 31 st 2007**

“Which movie are we going to watch _Ratatouille_ or _Order of the Phoenix_?” Jyn asked, holding up one DVD in each hand. She and Rey sat on a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor, Rey snug between two body pillows. The girl frowned at both, pinching her mouth as she contemplated both options. In the kitchen, the last of the popcorn could be heard popping followed by a faint beep of the microwave. Cassian entered the living room from the kitchen, a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a bowl of tortilla chips in the other.

“ _Ratatouille_.” Cassian voted, sitting down on the sofa. He placed the snacks on the coffee table, the piece of furniture pushed to the side from is usual spot to accommodate Rey and Jyn’s nest of blankets.

“We got one vote for the cooking rat. Any for the wizard boy?” Jyn looked back at Rey, “Come on Stardust you gotta pick.” She waved the DVDs closer to Rey’s face, the girl’s frown deepening. She was getting at the age where teasing was no longer funny, but a nuisance for the preteen.

A loud bang was heard from Ben’s room, “FUCK!” screeched half a second later.

Jyn immediately sprang into action, running to the sound of Ben’s outcry, leaving the movies beside Rey. Cassian stood, the urge to follow his wife dampened at the sight of Rey’s concerned eyes. The girl knew better than to go to Ben’s aid, but that did not stop her fear for the young man.

The father crouched down next to his daughter, “Mija, I need you to stay here okay? You can start a movie without us if you want. I’m sure everything’s fine.” Cassian pressed a firm kiss on Rey’s temple. He then left down the hall where muffled, despaired shouts echoed their way through the cozy home.

Rey sank further into her blankets, throwing one over her head. She closed her eyes willing herself to fall asleep, no longer caring to stay up late enough to see the ball drop.

Sometimes… in moments like these… she did not like Ben living with them.

She did not like it at all.

 

 

“She’s not fucking coming tomorrow. My mom cancelled on me.” Ben growled clutching his right hand in his left, his dominate hand bruised and bleeding. A broken phone laid beside his feet, cracked keyboard facing up.The hole in the drywall, with smears of blood around the edges of impact, immediately informed the godparents what exactly happened to Ben. “I haven’t seen her in over a year! And she cancelled _again_!” His vexed yells faded into hoarse sobs. Slowly her backed himself to sit on the edge of the bed.

Jyn stepped forward, hand outstretch to Ben, before glancing to her husband in the doorway.

Cassian shrugged helplessly.

They both loved Leia, and would do anything to help her…but they knew their friend made mistakes. Yet it wasn’t their place to judge Leia’s parenting, or question the mother and son’s relationship. These were all things Ben needed to figure out for himself. All Jyn and Cassian could do was be there for Ben the best way possible.

Jyn moved forward, gently pulling Ben’s left hand away from his injured right. Besides the obvious bruising and cuts, his skin was tender at the touch, and his wrist began to swell, “I think your wrist might be sprained.” She informed him complacently, “I’m going to take you to the hospital, just to make sure nothing else is broken and to make sure your cuts don’t get infected.”

Ben gulped, then nodded. His gaze remained on the carpet.

“Then we’ll pick up some ice cream at the Walmart off of Jensen, because I have a feeling this hurts like hell and it’s still New Year’s after all.” Jyn reached her free hand and brushed away Ben’s shaggy hair from his face. “Not everything is to hell Ben; it sure feels like it, but it’s not.”

 

* * *

 

**May 23 rd 2027**

A sharp cry from the backyard caused Ben to jump from the kitchen table, his current manuscript forgotten.

“Addie!” Ben called out as he stepped outside from the kitchen sliding door. He instantly found his little girl sitting on the grass, an ageing Gary nudging her soft, dark brown curls with his wet nose. Her brown eyes were puffy, tiny streams of tears dripping to her chin. A tiny hand, even smaller than the average five years, rubbed at the tears, though was not successful, the movement too messy.

Ben rushed forward, crouching down beside Addie. New tears came afresh at the sight of her Papa, the girl scooting closer to him, getting grass stains on her blue leggings.

“Hey kiddo, what happened?” Ben asked gently as he sat on the damp grass.

“I—” Addie hiccupped, “fell.” She looked away from Ben, embarrassed, her skin pinking. Of course he’d look away for half a second and the clumsy five year old tripped over her own two feet. With a soft sigh, Ben pulled Addie into his lap, the girl curling into his chest, her left hand clutching at her right.

Catching the motion, Ben leaned slightly away from Addie. “Hey, Addster, can I take a look at your hand? It looks like it hurts.” She nodded with a pout, her arm held out to Ben. He winced at the sight—the tiny wrist was swollen. Somehow the five year old managed to sprain her wrist in the most mundane, _very_ Addie way. He didn’t have this many accidents with the first one—he and Rey must have been lucky with Emery; the eight year old girl was as cautious as they came. He pressed a quick kiss to Addie’s curls, “Well, it looks like we’re going to have to get you checked out by a doctor.” Addie huffed, her pout no longer from the throbbing pain, but the thought of see the doctor.

“No.” She sighed, “I want to stay here.” She tried to cross her arms, like she’d seen Rey do whenever she became frustrated with Ben, but cried out when her wrist brushed her other arm.

Ben helped Addie back to her feet, he following not long after. “How about this? We go to the doctor, and if you do well, we _might_ get something sweet after.”

Addie’s brown eyes lit up as she began to bounce in place, “Ice cream?”

Reaching down Ben gently picked her up, Addie wrapping her non-injured arm around Ben’s neck. She began to subconsciously play with his hair, tiny finger twisting and curling in the strands. “ _Maybe_.” He told her with smile, “But only big girls who get their wrists checked out get ice cream.” Ben reminded her, walking with Addie back into the house.

“Let’s go to the doctor so I can get ice cream!”

Ben laughed with his daughter, knowing her sprained wrist would be healed in no time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you read correctly-- they do eventually have children.  
> Emery is biological. Addie is adopted.


	9. Middle School Soccer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this popped into my head after I wrote the line about Rey's 'mortifying crush' in 'Trusting December'.
> 
> If you couldn't tell, her mortifying crush was on Ben. It was mortifying because in her twelve year old brain Ben was this dorky guy she was friends with that had some issues... and she suddenly found him kind of cute despite it...which grossed her out, haha.
> 
> This is kind of the first moment she realizes she might have a crush on him.

**January 5 th 2008**

“Pass the ball Rey, pass the ball!” Cassian shouted through his cupped hands. Other parents down the row glared at his loud coaching, yet flinched away when Jyn turned her piercing blue gaze on them.

Ben sank further into his coat, his nose becoming chapped from the blistering wind.  He watched Rey run across the dry field with the older girls, weaving between the opposing team with little effort. At twelve, Rey was playing better than most fourteen year olds, moved up to the eighth grade team while in sixth grade. Ben was sure he was supposed to be impressed by the accomplishment…if he understood sports.

Ever the scholar, he had his head tucked into a book rather than playing outside. He barely passed his physical education classes, the mile run the death of him. At one point during middle school, Han tried to get Ben to try-out for the baseball team. The endeavor led to a trip to the emergency room, Ben breaking his left arm when he tripped over his own two feet to catch a baseball. Learning his lesson, Han never urged Ben to participate in organized sports again.

“MIJA, KICK THEM IN THE NAGLAS!” Cassian yelled, clapping his hands as the wave of players went in the opposite direction.

To his right, Jyn wrapped the fleece blanket tighter on her lap, offering a corner to Ben. Scooting closer, Ben let his godmother share the blanket with him. She turned to him with a smug smile, “You have no idea what’s going on do you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“You cheered for the other team—twice.” Jyn deadpanned, patting his shoulder sympathetically. Ben cringed at his misled actions. He was not completely embarrassed, Jyn’s matter-of-fact attitude and little judgement making it easier to be in his skin. “Let’s make this simple: dark green is us, aqua is them.”

“Who chooses aqua as a school color?” Ben asked, his gaze on the opposing team’s hideous aqua and neon orange accented uniforms.

“Private schools.” Jyn answered with a shrug, she pointed her finger to the net on the far right. “That is our goal—we don’t want anyone to get a ball in.”

“Jyn, you don’t need to explain the basics of soccer. I did go to public school for the majority of my childhood.” Ben reminded her, earning a soft swat on his shoulder.

“Watch the attitude Mr. Smarty-Pants.” She warned lightly, bumping her elbow into his side. “So what is it about the sport that’s got you so confused, if you know how soccer works?”

Ben huffed, his warm air mixing with the January chill. Rey kicked the ball to teammate, now following the herd of girls, blocking teenagers a head taller than her from the ball. Shouts chorused from both sides, Cassian hollering Spanish obscenities to the guest team. “I don’t understand how people get so worked up over sweaty people kicking a ball around… what is enjoyable about this?”

Jyn pursed her lips, humming as she mused over Ben’s question. “Well…why do you read and analyze novels for fun?”

Ben’s eyebrows scrunched together, Jyn’s question diverging away from his own predicament. “I read because it’s the story—”

“There you go.” Jyn declared, their side of the field thundering with woops and cheers. Feet stomped on the bleachers, the vibrations and clatter of metal on metal echoing louder than any shouting. “For other people, watching sports is watching a story unfold. There’s _conflict_.” Ben nodded, following Jyn’s train of thought. “Just because humans don’t want to _experience_ conflict, doesn’t mean we don’t like _witnessing_ it.”

Ben gapped at Jyn, stunned by the clarity he received from her words.

* * *

 

When the game was over, Cassian ran to the edge of the field to embrace his daughter. “Mija, you kicked their asses!” He praised Rey; her team won 5-2, surprising most of the parents. Middle school soccer was a hit or miss—talented athletes came in waves, most often preteens not taking the sport seriously. Rey, of course, was the exception. The girl practiced in the afternoons on top of her team workouts during the school year, dribbling by herself in the backyard or kicking her ball back and forth on the fence. Sometimes Cassian would join her, the two playing one-on-one.

“Amazing, Stardust.” Jyn congratulated once she was a few feet away from Rey. She and Ben trailed after Cassian with the bundle of blankets and their empty thermos once filled with coffee and hot chocolate. Rey smiled brightly at her mother then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, not wanting to get sweat on her.  “You have all your things?” Rey nodded, shaking her sports bag on her shoulder as evidence.

The family began to head to the parking lot, needing to cross the open stadium to the dusty clearing that was the temporary parking lot during the schools expansion.  Jyn and Cassian waved to a few parents here and there, Ben seeing them far more charismatic than usual, though he noticed the strain in his godparent’s smiles. They wanted to get out of there before someone roped them into a conversation. Somewhere in their walk, between the haggles of families and players, Jyn announced they were grabbing pizza for a late lunch. Ben and Rey walked a few paces behind her parents, the girl scuffing her cleats against the grass.

“Yeah...” Ben began, breaking the silence between him and Rey. She lifted her bowed head, waiting with a raised eyebrow. She knew his dislike of sports and probably expected some compliant. “…your game…it was _cool_.” He finished lamely.

An eruption of giggles came from a couple of yards behind them, Ben glanced over his shoulder to see a group of eighth grade girls from Rey’s team sneaking glances their way.

Groaning, Rey rolled her eyes. “They’re stupid.” Her shoulders slumped, she adjusting the strap on her sports bag agitatedly.

“Why?” Ben asked simply. He had gone through the horrors of middle school; he may not understand girl problems, but he understood middle school sucked and everyone was awful, no matter how nice they seemed. Rey being moved up to higher level team made fitting in more difficult, perpetually the youngest but also one of the better players. She’d be an easy target.

The girl flushed, looking away from Ben. Rey tugged at her right braid, twisting the ends of her hair between her fingers. “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Come on, Rey. I know for a fact your vocabulary is bigger than the word ‘stupid’.” Ben badgered as he elbowed her arm. “What is it?”

Rey’s mouth twisted in distaste, obviously uncomfortable with whatever those girls said to her earlier. “It’s _dumb_.” She answered smartly, stressing the word to provoke Ben.

He was not amused.

“Fine.” Rey sighed, defeated by Ben’s impending vow of muteness. Since he moved in, Rey had shared everything with Ben. Her thoughts, her feelings—mostly because he sometimes (not really) gave okay advice or he made her laugh and forget about why she was upset. He was a good friend like that…which is why what those girls said made her so… _confused_. “They think you’re cute.”

“What?”

“I know.” Rey said to fill the space, her face still scrunched up. “They think you look like you belong in an emo-band, like My Chemical Romance or something.” Rey shrugged, her cheeks burning brighter. “Which I don’t get, because you don’t wear guy-liner or even that much black. If anything you look like a dork.” She rambled, her hands wringing the hem of her jersey. “Then I told them why it didn’t make sense, but then they told me it’s because I’m a _little girl_ who doesn’t understand ‘sex appeal’.” Rey huffed, her cheeks puffing, “I then told them they were stupid hoe-heads because a sex-ed unit is required for sixth grade science! So I know where the—”

This needed to stop now before Ben became scarred for life.

“Okay!” Ben shouted, Jyn turning her head to glance at them over her shoulder. Once she saw they were still following, she focused forward again. “I—I did not need to know that _you know_ what, intercourse is.” Ben mumbled low, eyes roving the people around them, hoping no one caught anything out of context.

Rey scoffed, arms crossed over her chest. “Ben, I have this thing called a period. I would hope I know—”

“And I also did not need to know _that_.” Ben interjected, shuddering at the information Rey was blurting out with reckless abandon. She did not have the best filter. Or maybe she did not feel the need to censor herself when she was around him. “I…” Ben was at a loss for words. Girls were much more complicated…did they seriously talk about sex appeal in _middle school_? “…the best you could come up with was ‘hoe-heads’?”

“It was the first thing that came out of my mouth.” Rey admitted quietly, the car in view. “I didn’t even know I said it until Tessa repeated it to me with her stupid high pitched voice.”

“She‘s the ‘hoe-head’ right?” Ben asked, laughing a bit as he used Rey’s insult.

Rey grinned, “Yeah, the biggest hoe-head.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, poor Rey, being a preteen sucks.
> 
> Also, some of you might be like 'what about Beefy-Ben?' Well, nineteen year old Ben is a whimp who does yet know how theraputic working out can be. But one day he will.


	10. Impromptu Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write to relieve stress and try to lift my spirits with Grandma Paddy scenes!

**January 7 th 2008**

“This is nice,” Ben said earnestly, twisting the edge of the napkin between his middle and index finger. The small Italian restaurant in downtown Lucas was not extremely busy, the lunch hour barely beginning.

“Well, I thought since I had a layover, might as well make the most of it.” Padme smiled brightly at her grandson. Despite being sixty-nine years old, Padme Skywalker had more spirit than adults forty years her junior. In her retirement, she traveled and was a representative of the Naberrie family estate, she one of the few living family members. Mostly her cousins maintained the estate in both property and monetary. Rarely did Padme speak of her family before her marriage, except for the rare occasions, such as meetings and events pertaining to the estate. “Your grandfather wanted me to ask if you need any more pens. He found this lovely set while we were in Belgium. He has no use for it and thought you’d like it.”

Ben resisted the urge to frown at the mention of his grandfather. Anakin was an imposing man; he was tall (though not as tall as Ben, who now surpassed all the men in the family), dressed in blacks, and wore a permanent scowl. Ben recalled referring to him as ‘Grandpa Vampire’ when he was younger, his child brain trying to cope with the scary presense of his grandfather. The man struggled to make connections with his family ever since his rehab stint. Not to mention, the grandfather and grandson hardly interacted, Leia not trusting her father around her son.

“I’d like that. I write a lot more now. Cassian calls it 'self-care'.” With anyone else, Ben did not dare speak a word of his progress; he believed his mother, father, and uncle were unable to see how the smallest improvements and changes made the world of difference to him.

Everything—getting better, being healthy both physically and mentally—was a process. A slow, deliberate, process Ben did not need to rush. Jyn and Cassian made an effort to remind him every day.

“He is right.” Padme agreed as she stirred her tea. “Your grandfather journals every morning and every night, like clockwork. He never forgets or misses his writing time. It’s a routine that doesn’t change.” The waitress came by and placed more bread in the table, Padme smiled graciously at the young woman. “You remind me quite a bit of your grandfather.”

Ben found this hard to believe. He wasn’t like anyone, getting too many of the 'off' genes in the family. His hair was too dark, and his feature too long and angular. He liked to remain closed off, while the rest of his family enjoyed socializing and being active participants in society. Ben held little desire to be such. The only thing he inherently received from the Skywalker line was depression. “How so?”

“He felt lonely for a long time, even when he was surrounded by family…but he still loved. Even when he felt lonely and upset.” Padme laid a hand on top of Ben’s twisting fingers, halting the movements. “You, my boy, still have great love in you. You wouldn’t be sitting here with me for a quick lunch if you didn’t.”

Ben looked up at his grandmother, seeing her for her age. She defied her family’s wishes and pursued her activist career, was momentarily disowned after marrying Anakin, lived through a problematic child birth, then had to watch her depressed husband struggle with substance abuse, she became separated from the man she loved for years so he could get better… if anyone should be upset with the fruit life had given her, it should be Padme Skywalker.

Yet she remained humble, kind, and wise.

Ben decided the women in his family had stronger spines and psyches than the men.

With a soft pat, Padme extracted her hand from Ben’s. “Benjamin, remember this: this is a _season_ in your life—it does not define who you are, but it will lead you towards who you are _meant_ to be. Happy, healthy, and in love.” The twinkle of knowledge in her eyes, stirred something within him.

_Hope._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot was a lot longer. WAY LONGER because it included a flash-forward (or would it be a flashback if it is before 'Trusting December' but after 'Spring is Sure to Follow'? *shrugs*) But it was too much for these slice of life style of chapters. You guys might get it later...or maybe in a different story in the series :) 
> 
> Yes, I'm playing with the idea of continuing the story once 'Trusting December' is done, because I love the family dynamic of this verse. I am trying to decide which part of Rey and Ben's relationship and the family's life to focus on.


	11. Night Disturbances & Hot Chocolate*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't want plot points from this verse hinted at, maybe skip this chapter.
> 
> I am awful. You'll see at the end why I'm awful. Sorry.

**January 10 th 2008**

_“Kylo, you are a bright young man.” The skinny, tall, skeletal looking man peered down at Ben. The office was dim, streams of light coming from the blinds and the desk lamp. Dr. Snoke seemed far more fragile up close rather on his lecture podium. Features on the elderly man were prominent—the twecked jaw and twisted scars lining his neck and cheek bones had a ghastly appeal. Ben tried to focus on the man’s eyes, but found himself uncomfortable with the sinister silver gleam._

_The young man tried not to be noticed in his Political Science class. His mother was prolific enough for aspiring politicians, Ben recognizable by default. Changing his name had been a smart move, most not able to piece together the awkward kid in the back of class sharing similar attributes of Senator Skywalker-Solo._

_Most… that is until his professor, Dr. Snoke, discovered Ben’s true origins._

_“I do not hold your mother’s ill-advised proposals and actions against you.” Ben watched the ghostly man pace the front of his desk. Ben sat in the offered chair, a couple of feet away, tense. “She and I were once colleagues in the beginning of her career. Such a tempered spirit.” Dr. Snoke spat the word with an off center grin. “Why the name change, young Solo?”_

_Ben twisted the hem of his sleeve in his fist, the sweater sleeves bulky around his arms._

_“I…I did not want to be associated with my mother.” Ben responded diplomatically, his unforgiving face cool. Unable to keep his eyes on the grotesque man, Ben focused his eyes on the bright red coffee mug on the edge of the desk._

_“You’re a fool, Solo!”_

_The mug crashed to the floor—_

Ben gasped, the base of his gut dropping at the wave of panic. His vision swirled, the glow in the dark stars morphing in and out of a frenzy. Shakily, he lifted his hand to the middle of face—the world stopped spinning. Breathes came in and out as shivers—of the nightmarish memory and the sudden free falling sensation of an abrupt wake.

Licking his lips, he blinked once, then twice. The clock shined in bright red _3:15 AM_. Three hours of sleep.  A new record.

Sitting up, Ben smeared his palms into his cheekbones. The pressure reassured him of reality.

But that clatter…that clatter sounded—

A roughly closed cabinet from the kitchen forced Ben up from his bed.

Quietly, Ben shuffled through the dark hall, past the living room, into the brightly lit kitchen.

He was surprised to see the room’s two occupants. Sitting on the kitchen counter with a tray of cookies was Rey, she appearing distraught if her tiny pout and puffy eyes were to be accounted. Beside her, Jyn stood in front of the stove. Silence hugged the room lightly, the occasional pop of warming milk, punctuating the stillness.

“Would you like some hot chocolate?” Jyn asked Ben as she poured the milk into mismatched mugs. He murmured in agreement, Jyn handing him a mug with the seventh dwarf, Grumpy, on the surface. The powder mix was already in the mug. Rey held out a spoon for him, Ben taking it with an offered small smile.

Rey did not smile back.

Ben tried not to let the lack of response bother him as he took a seat at the breakfast nook. Rey was probably tired; she did not need to be a happy human being all the time.

Jyn helped Rey off the counter, the girl wincing as she came down. She picked up her cookies and hot chocolate in haste. She then trudged out into the living room, not bothered to say ‘goodbye’ to Jyn or Ben.

“She’s not in the best of moods.” Jyn muttered in explanation, taking her own mug to the seat beside Ben. “In a lot of pain actually.”

Ben’s shoulders sank lower. “Pain how?”

Jyn pursed her lips for a moment, then shrugged, coming to a conclusion. “She’s been having some terrible menstrual pain. Her entire body is in pain when she moves.” Jyn sighed into her mug, “That’s not normal. And that concerns me.”

Ben did not understand period pain, nor did he act as though it were mythical tale woman claimed to be true—he simply believed women did not deserve to experience pain purely because of their genetic makeup.  He felt _sorry_ —his mother’s voice of ‘not pitying women’ because it was ‘misogynist’ rang through his head. No, wanted to do something to _help_ , but was _helpless_.

**May 12 th 2027**

A tiny finger poked the tip of Ben’s nose.

“Papa,” a soft, little girl’s voice whispered loudly. She believed she was truly her quietest. Another poke, “ _Papa_.”

Blinking his eyes open, Ben saw the blurry form of Addie cascaded in the dead-of-night dark. “Add’s what’s wrong?” He mumbled, half a sleep. He had barely fell into the sweet clutches of slumber after finally finishing the chapter he’d been wrangling with for the past two weeks. On his back, he felt Rey spoon in closer to him, her head resting between his shoulder blades.

The little girl twisted her fingers into the hem of her pajama shirt, squishing the monkeys in the pattern together then apart, together then apart. She shuffled closer, cupping her hands together, as though to whisper a secret. “I had a bad dream.” She puffed out her chubby cheeks, disappointed in not being able to sleep in her own bed. Ben resisted the urge to smile at the huff, Addie’s baby fat did not quite leave all her face as she stretched out from toddler to child. It reminded him there was still time.

The concern etched on Addie’s small, expressive face reminded Ben of his own reaction to nightmares as a child—not necessarily frightened or crying, but needing some form of security. Feeling the presense of someone else simply made the uneasy, loose fibers of the dream fade away.

He shifted, turning over on his back. The movement briefly woke Rey, who squinted curiously at her husband. “Babe, Addie had a bad dream,” Ben muttered. In her sleepy state, Rey nodded, scooting away, making a little space for the four year old between her and Ben.

Opening his arms, Ben scooped Addie up. He helped her climb over him, careful to not let the clumsy girl tumble. Addie wiggled under the covers into the newly made spot.

“Night, Mama,” Addie loudly whisper to her right, pressing a quick kiss to Rey’s cheek. She then turned to Ben and repeated her action, snuggling into the overlapped pillows. Rey’s arm, gently pulled Addie into her chest, nuzzling her head into her daughter’s dark curls. Addie sighed contently, her concern gone now that she was securely between her parents. “Night, Papa.” She spoke mid-yawn, her dark brown eyes closing.

Ben began to fall asleep once more, the warmth and darkness pulling him.

“Papa,” That is until Emery came into the room, roughly shaking his shoulder. “ _Papa_.” She repeated. Ben peeked an eye open, seeing his eight year old daughter standing where Addie was a few moments ago.

“Yes, Em?” Ben mumbled. The girl looked _scared_ , far more troubled than her tone led on. Her fierce eyes and struggle to remain cool strikingly reminded him of Rey. Immediately, Ben sat up, shoving his glasses on his face. “Hey, what’s up?” He asked more directly, voice thick from his continuously disrupted slumber.

“I—I, there was this horrible dark shadow and—,” Emery began, hiccupping. Her brown eyes gave away her emotions. 

“Shh,” He soothed. Ben reached forward, grasping Emery’s forearm. He pulled her a little closer, making eye contact with her. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too scary or too much.”

Emery hummed, the back of her fist wiping away her tears. She forcibly dropped her arms, pouting. The eight year old was a little taller than most girl’s her age, her willowy arms an odd-yet-charming mix of Rey and Ben.

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw both Rey and Addie curled into sleep, unaware. He turned back to Emery and stood up. “Hey, let’s go to the kitchen.” He spoke easily, leading Emery out into the hall. “We can make some hot chocolate…” Emery didn’t respond, her gaze drooping to the hardwood floors. She defaulted to silence when upset, Ben recalling one too many times he was on the end of her silent treatment. “You know, when your mom and I were younger, whenever she or I would have a bad dream or rough night, your Nana Jyn would make some hot chocolate.”

Emery perked up at the mention of her grandmother, “Really? I thought she didn’t know how to cook. Abuelo says she made water burn.” Emery giggled as they entered the kitchen. Ben flipped the kitchen light on, the cool blue of the counter tiles warm and comforting in the light’s hue.

“He might be exaggerating.” Ben watched as Emery went to the refrigerator, she grabbing the carton of milk for the hot chocolate. He began to prep the stove, placing a pot on the burner. “Jyn wasn’t as awful as everyone made her, she genuinely liked being in the kitchen, she just wasn’t great at the making food part.”

“You guys don’t talk about her.” Emery commented sadly, standing beside Ben, watching as he poured the milk.

Ben bit his lip; his daughter wasn’t wrong. Rey found it harder to talk about Jyn, she unable to let go of the fact her daughters will never truly know the ferocity and magnificence of her mother. His wife feared she never serve her mother’s memory justice. But… they, the girls, needed to know. Hearing Emery say they never talk about Jyn broke his heart.

“If you ever want to know anything about Nana Jyn, just ask me.” Ben told Emery, “She and I were close, she practically raised me sometimes.” Over come with emotion, Ben went to the furthest cabinet for mugs.

Emery did not say anything of her father’s wet eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snoke does exist. I just haven't included him in an distinct capacity until now.  
> There are some early hints of Rey's menstrual problems.  
> Rey is the big spoon. Always. Addie and Emery in the flash forward :)  
> And yeah...I did that. You know hint at a death. Sorry, but things will get explained...like WAY later.
> 
> Also, I might need to change my summary for this fic if I keep on including flash forwards.


	12. Voicemails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some voicemails :)  
> Let me know what you think!

**January 12 th 2008**

_Ben, I heard Grandma Paddy visited—_

Ben deleted the message.

_Hey kid, I know we missed New Years and I feel awful about it. I think I might make a detour—_

Ben deleted the message-- he didn't want to be fed false hope. 

_Benjamin, I mailed the box of pens. They should be there by the end of the week. Call me if they don’t. Love you._

Without a second thought, Ben saved the message

_Ben, I know you are getting my messages. Please call me. You don’t even have to talk…you can just breathe for all I care. Please call._

He deleted the message.

_Hey, I just wanted to let you know I will be leaving the United States for a couple of months…but I’ll still call when I have service. I know you listen to these…call me when you’re ready to talk Ben._

Ben hesitated.

Then, he saved the message. He wasn’t going to call, _hell no_...But who knew when he’d get another voicemail from this number.

 _Uh, hello Benjamin. Or do you like ‘Ben’, I am not too sure. I’ve just always called you ‘Ben’… I’d like to talk. Your grandmother all but insisted I call…she thinks we might be able to see eye to eye…_ A bout of silence fell. _She might be right… I can’t say it gets easier, but it becomes manageable. Call if you want._

The voicemails ended.

Ben redialed his voicemails. He needed to hear the last message again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gold stars to everyone who can guess the correct order of voicemails! :)


	13. Finding A Hobby

**January 18 th 2008**

“Why don’t you pick a hobby?”

Ben squinted at Jyn and Cassian; it was a Friday morning, the day both his godparents had off. They usually spent the day running errands or working from home. Most recently Fridays became ‘Ben Days’. Checking up on him, going into town with him, or bringing him along to whatever project the couple found interesting. He felt like he was a five again, tagging along with Uncle Cass and Aunt Jyn _somewhere_ while his mom and dad were busy.

The only odd part of it all was Rey. Her winter break was over and she had to trudge to school every week day. Ben tried not to think how empty the house became without Rey following after him or dragging him into whatever game she was playing or movie she was watching.

“What? What do you mean a _hobby_?” Ben asked as he put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher.

Cassian shrugged, his eyes more beady behind his reading glasses. The book, _Tuesday’s With Morrie_ rested open in front of him, Cassian sticking a leather strap bookmark into the book. “Something for you to do, nothing major.” Ben’s eyes drifted to Jyn who remained quiet, sipping her tea as she watched the interaction. “It can be anything. You don’t even have to be good at it. Just something you think is fun.”

Ben shrugged, “I read.”

Jyn shook her head, setting her tea down on the counter, “Why don’t you look for something outside your comfort zone?”

“Like what?” Ben asked genuinely confused.

“I like to bake.” Jyn declared. Cassian snorted beside her. Sending her husband a scathing look, she whacked him lightly with her newspaper. “I am not _good_ at baking, but I like to do it.” She smiled, driving home her point, “It’s my _hobby_.”

Ben closed the dishwasher, “But… how is a hobby going to help me?” He asked. Weren’t hobbies like sports or quilting?

Cassian smiled, “It’s to help you relax, and focus your brain on something different than usual. At work, I am surrounded by adolescents, when I work on Rogue I am either with you or by myself. It quiet and I like it. It helps me relax.” Cassian loved working on his car—a car that would probably never get out of the garage, but he did have a point. Jyn and Cassian were really trying to paint a clear picture for him, Ben understood that, even if did make him feel younger than even Rey.

“I see. So… something not reading or writing, I’m assuming?” Ben questioned receiving a dubious look from both his godparents.

“I say pick something that has people your own age involved.” Jyn then paused, choosing her next words carefully. “I…you need to expand your circle Ben. Cassian and I cannot be your only outlet for companionship. Or Rey.” She added as an afterthought, she reached over the breakfast nook and grasped Ben’s hand in her own. “You are a great young man, who needs to go and interact, and have _fun_.” Her eyes shined brightly; she squeezed his hand. “I believe you do this Ben.”

Ben dropped his gaze away, counting the counter tiles instead of seeing the compassion in Jyn and Cassian’s eyes.

“Mijo, just pick something. The great thing is, if the first one doesn’t work, you can pick something else!” Cassian encouraged.

* * *

 

**January 25 th 2008**

Ben felt like a kid on his first day to school, seeing Jyn wave from the car window.

He frowned at the downtown Lucas rec center building—after a week of research and calls, Ben was going to begin his _hobby_. He entered the building, following the directory located by the door, to the arts room.

Natural light shined through the large windows in the art room. Ben skirted around the few work tables to the furthest on in the back. A few elderly men and women were in the class, along with the stray middle aged mother, and then towards the middle were a group of young adults.

He heard a voice in his head that sounded distinctly like Jyn, urging him to sit with them.

He ignored it.

His left hand sunk into the sleeve of his right, his index and middle finger twisting the fabric.

He could do this, he could totally sit in an art class with ten other people. It wasn’t a big deal. He promised Jyn and Cassian he’d try it—he couldn’t bail now. He wasn’t too sure if he’d be able to survive their disappointment.

His ruminating was pulled into a halt when a girl, no older than seventeen with duel blonde buns sat to his right, while another girl with long black silk hair sat on his other side. Ben did not know what to do, surprised these girls decided to sit with him, when there were plenty of seats available.

“Hey, I’m Kaydel.” The blonde girl immediately introduced herself, “and that’s Jess.” She gestured vaguely to the dark haired girl. Jess nodded to him, crouching back down into her notebook. Her long hair curtained most of her face, Ben only to make out her half smirk. “We’re taking this art class as an elective for our Arts and Science credit at Valley Community College. How’d you end up here?” Kaydel asked not bothering to beat around the bush, her husky-direct voice reminding Ben of his mother’s no nonsense attitude. He wanted to smile at that, but found it difficult.

“Uh, my godparents thought I should take up a hobby.” He answered rather slowly.

Kaydel shrugged, “Cool.” She turned back to face the front of the room. He noticed the glint of blue and purple streaks in her hair.

“I’m, uh Ben by the way.” He muttered, feeling as though his introduction was too late into the already finished conversation.

“Ben? Can I call you ‘Benny’? Because you kind of look like a ‘Benny’. Or maybe a ‘Benji’?. Never mind, I like ‘Benji’.” Jess spoke up, still doodling into her notebook, her eyes never leaving her paper.

She was sketching a jet plane… only it looked more intricate, with sharp details.

“I guess?” Ben answered, his left hand letting go of the fabric on his right wrist.

“Cool beans.” Jess muttered as the instructor walked in. “You don’t seem like a total douchebag. We’re getting coffee after this, want to come?”

Ben blinked in surprise at how quickly the two girl’s latched on to him. He’d never experienced people imposing their friendship on him.

But this is what being a nineteen year old was like, right? Getting coffee with peers, and getting to know one another?

“Uh, sure.”

Jess nodded enthusiastically, and Kaydel held out her hand for a fist bump.

Ben knocked his still slightly discolored knuckles against hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaydel and Jess found their way into this! How?! It's all good I love them, and their going to be fun friend group :)  
> Jyn and Cassian are trying to use a little more force (no pun intended) to get Ben out of his shell. 
> 
> Also... I am writing the next chapter of 'Trusting Decemeber', its just we're now on the road to the end of the fic, with only a few chapters left, and my heart wants to procrastinate it :( So it won't be updated this weekend because I am figuring out how to tie everything together.


	14. Journal Entry #36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I am trying to figure out things with 'Trusting December', this fic might get updated more because it sometimes becomes my writing exercise for this verse.

**January 27 th 2008**

_Dear Kylo Ren,_

_…I now have a hobby. It’s not exactly my favorite thing in the world… but it is not awful_. _I understand now why people find throwing paint therapeutic._

Ben set his pen down with its matching set. He’d been writing for the last half hour, not really about anything in particular. He often found himself unable to write about his actual life, but about what he saw that day. Or some reflection of what he felt.

The landscape was still bare and dead, but the fog had faded out for the remaining stretch of the season. The atmosphere felt warmer and comforting than even the brightest and liveliest places he’d visited.

Ten pages of his journal were purely on the burning fields. Always an outsider looking in, even in his own musing. That night he wrote a couple of short poems, mostly before he decide to at least mark down the most recent change in his life.

Pushing away from the desk, Ben stood from his chair and reached to shut off the lamp. The humming glow evaporated from the room, he momentarily still as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He did not feel as empty as he did the first night, despite his eyes refusing to give into the lulls of sleep.

He looked up at the glow in the dark stars.

As though almost on cue, he heard the gentle shuffling of slippers across the hardwood floor.

Ben did not need to tear his gaze away from the ceiling to know his favorite twelve year old peeked her head into door-less the doorway. She still checked every night, to see if he was still there, alive and breathing. Ben felt like his promise to her was somehow hollow…

Once he heard her walk back to her room, Ben picked up his journal and a pen.

_P.S. Will it always be like this?_

  * _Ben_



* * *

 

**November 28 th 2018**

Ben had never felt so suddenly hollow in his life. It was as if a ghost snuck into his chest and snapped his heart out.

After hours of hiccupping and sobbing, Rey had finally fallen asleep. Ben felt the wet spot of drool and tears on his light blue button up shirt. Neither had bothered to change since coming home from the hospital. Too tired and stunned to do much else but simply hold on to each other. Gently, Ben unpeeled Rey’s arms from the top of his chest, sliding out from under her hold. Sitting up from the bed, Ben quietly walked out of the bedroom. He paused at the doorway, glancing back at Rey, who did not shift from his movements.

Ben turned back into the hall, socked feet shuffling across the hardwood into the bathroom. Before entering the cool tiled room, his eyes lingered on the boxes sitting outside the home-office door. They still needed to unpack from the move.

He left the bathroom door cracked open behind him, Gary following in a few moments after him.

The dog frowned, eyes drooping sadly. Ben read somewhere dogs’ sensed human emotions—he was pretty sure Gary knew exactly what happened by his own somber mood.

“Hey boy,” Ben whispered, crouching down beside his dog. “How are you doing my guy?” He patted and scratched Gary’s chin and head, the dog panting slowly back to his owner. “I’m not doing great…” Ben muttered, pressing his nose into his dog’s hair. He let Gary lick his ear, the slobber comforting. “I think… my heart is broken big guy, and I think Rey’s is too.” Ben choked out, sitting on the floor beside his dog. Gary rested his head on Ben’s thigh, looking up at his master. “I promised myself I’d never hurt her, or let her get her heart broken…especially by me…but I never thought,” Ben exhaled deeply, hands petting Gary’s back. “I never thought…” he shook his head, tears building up in his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut. “She was going to be a _spring_ baby.” Ben’s voice trembled, his feelings from the previous day finally free. He held it together for Rey—he had to. But now, sitting alone on the bathroom floor at half past midnight, with his faithful dog to keep him company, Ben cracked.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar shadow step away from the bathroom doorway.

A forgotten pang from years ago echoed through his being. For a moment he remembered seeing a little girl with twin braids and penguin slippers peeking into his doorway every night, to make sure he was still there.

Did she… did she think…?

Ben hadn’t had suicidal thoughts in _years_. Not since he was at least nineteen, maybe twenty. That was almost a decade ago. To think _she_ thought he _was_ …or was even _thinking_ …

Ben didn’t know what to think.

Instead he stood up from the bathroom floor and went back into the bedroom, Gary trotting in after him. Rey was laying back down, acting as though she was asleep. From an early age, Ben knew when Rey was faking it—she tried to breathe in too deeply, her inhales and exhales almost ragged. He climbed back into bed beside her.

“You know…” Ben began slowly, his throat constricting. His gaze traveled to the empty ceiling. He bit his lips, feeling like everything was changing and running at a speed he was learning how to adapt. They finally moved a good few miles away from the university campus into an apartment that was _theirs_ , the next novel in Starfleet series was to be released in a couple of weeks, and… well he was planning on proposing—he might have to hold off on that one in light of everything.

This caused everything to slow down… maybe they needed a moment to slow down.

Ben noticed the only light in the room coming from the florescent streetlights from the window. He made a mental note to check online for glow-in-the-dark sticky stars.

“You know…” He tried again, “I haven’t had a suicidal thought since…since that afternoon you took me to those burning fields.” Though Ben would never say it aloud, he had stories and poems dedicated to that moment; those feelings never truly fading away, but nestling somewhere next to his heart. When he was alone, or when he woke in the middle of the night, the image would pop into his mind unannounced—sometimes Rey was twelve in these memories and he feeling awkwardly nineteen, at other times they were their current ages… yet the burning field remained the same.

He swore he could still smell the smoke and the crisp cool air on his skin.

He noticed her heavy breathing stopped, her back tensing; Ben continued. “Seeing you…Rey you were probably my only friend at the time,” Ben turned his head to her, Rey still with her back to him, curled into herself. “And it broke my heart to see you like that…” Ben wasn’t too sure why he was telling all this _now_ … when this had nothing to do with anything, but seeing her checking on him stirred something strange within. “Rey, I’m not going _anywhere_.” Slowly, Rey turned around, she and Ben laying on their sides, face to face. She no longer had tears stains on her cheeks, her nose and eyes their natural coloring. She was tired and concerned, her eyebrows pinched together as she gazed into his dark eyes. Lifting his hand, Ben ever so slightly pad his fingers against her hand until it was completely encased in his own. “You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you.” She murmured. She didn’t smile, but pressed her cheek to the outside of his hand.

Together, they stayed awake until the morning dawn streamed through the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Rey, old habits are difficult to stop.  
> Wasn't going for a 'hand touch' scene but here we are.  
> Now I am going to go sob over my class assignments.


	15. Stomach Flu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this to get into the grove of creative writing since I took a few days off -- I had to write some theatre proposals and a script analysis, but I am now on Easter Break and will basically write a bajillion things the next two days.
> 
> Also, since I was stuck on a train for six hours yesterday I was able to ruminate and plan, and 'Trusting December' will be updated SOON-- like in the next two days soon :)  
> Enjoy!

**January 31 th 2008**

_“O pity us, kind Heaven, and help us! Look out, look out, and see if we are pursued._

_The wind is rushing after us, and the clouds are flying after us, and the moon is plunging after us, and the whole wild night is in pursuit of us; but, so far, we are pursued by nothing else.”_

Ben had almost finished reading the entirety of _A Tale of Two Cities_ when he got a call from Jyn.

“Ben, I need you to go to the school and pick up Rey. She’s been throwing up and has a fever. The nurse thinks she might have the stomach flu.” Jyn informed him hurriedly, the sound of papers and feet shuffling in the back ground.

“Uh, yeah sure. Do they know I’m coming?” Ben asked, tossing the book aside in favor of finding the extra keys to Cassian’s old car. Like Han, Cassian was a slight hoarder of vehicles, the man owning four, not counting Rogue. A couple of weeks into staying with the family, Cassian handed Ben the keys to his 1997 Honda Civic Sedan. They trusted him enough to not run away, but said the car was to only be used for emergencies or if Ben need to go somewhere and neither Jyn nor Cassian were available.

Rey being sick at school was clearly an emergency.

“Yes, I told them my nephew was on his way.” Ben felt a twinge of warmth at the sentiment, even if it was to ensure Ben was able to pick up Rey. Not finding the keys in the living room or foyer area, Ben went to the ‘junk drawer’ in the kitchen. He plucked out the keys from the array of old batteries and baby screwdrivers. He scrambled to pick up his shoes by the house entrance, and went out the door, mentally double checking if he had house keys.

“I’ll be there in a few. I call you when we’re settled back at the house.” Ben reassured Jyn, knowing the woman was probably in the middle of some case, or research on a child. Both Jyn and Cassian asked for days off, trading off on days, when Ben initially moved in. Ben wasn’t allowed to be left alone for long extended periods of time. It was until the third to fourth week, Jyn and Cassian began to return to their full work hours, but still keeping Fridays as their off days. Ben tried not to feel guilty about the arrangement, even after Jyn and Cassian both separately addressed how they willing wanted to care for him and help him.

Ben was now just trying his best to be helpful with the structure he was given.

“Thank you Ben.” Jyn replied earnestly. “I need to go, talk to you soon.” She hung up as Ben entered the car. He drove the ten minutes to get to the central town area of Lucas, to Washington Middle School, the seafoam green accent color of the building not as welcoming as one would hope.

Once the car was parked, Ben climbed up the several steps to the front office, located right off the front glass double doors of the school. From his vantage point, he was able to see a pouting, pale Rey through the waiting area window. She did not radiate the freckled, spunky twelve year old he knew and loved.  

“Hey kid,” Ben greeted, walking into the dull room. She lifted her head to his greeting, though there was a lack of a grin at his presense. On that note, Ben went to the front desk, signing Rey out of school. The receptionist sent him a warry look—he didn’t blame her—most in the town knew Cassian and Jyn did not have much of an extended family, Jyn’s claim of a nephew possibly odd—though it diminished the moment Rey stood up and wrapped her arms around Ben’s torso, burying her face into his sweater. “Let’s go home, ok?” Ben spoke softly, patting Rey’s arm. She nodded as Ben picked up her backpack from her shoulder, gently leading her out of the office.

They walked back to the car in silence except for the occasional sniffle from Rey. It wasn’t until they were about three minutes into the drive back to the house did Rey speak up, or I this case wail.

“I threw up in class.” She mumbled, tears of embarrassment pooling in her eyes. “Everyone saw!” She began to cry steadily, a groan of pain punctured with every other hiccup.

Ben unsure of what exactly to do, lifted one hand off the stirring wheel and patted Rey’s head, which proved to be difficult a her hair was wrapped into three buns. She frowned at the gesture, clumsily bating his hand away. “I’m sorry Rey. Being sick sucks, and I wish I could offer more than that, but it’s all the advice I have.” Ben shrugged helplessly, the brown and grey land between houses stretching longer, and longer, until he had to turn left on their street.

Rey rubbed her eyes. “When are my mama and papa coming?” She asked quietly, hugging herself.

Ben turned into the driveway. “At six, like usual.” He answered, but regretted it as Rey’s eyes began to fill with anew tears. “They have work, and Jyn asked me to pick you up.” Ben explained, shifting the car into park. He removed the keys from the ignition. “But it won’t be so bad. We can watch a movie, maybe warm up some soup?” He tried.

Rey’s eyebrows scrunched momentarily, before she flung open the door and vomited on the pavement.

“Or, I can clean up your vomit.” Ben muttered, hearing a weak ‘ _Sorry, Ben’_ from Rey.

* * *

 

“You need to keep the cloth on your head.” Ben insisted, firmly pressing the cool bath rag on Rey forehead. She shoved his hand away, the rag drooping down the slope of her nose.

“But it keeps sliding off.” She grumbled, picking the rag off her face and flinging it to Ben. He barely caught the rag with his right hand, surprised his reflexes actually did him some good. With a strained smile he place the rag back on Rey’s forehead.

“Then you need to sit back on the couch and sleep.” He ordered, grasping Rey’s shoulders and pushing her back until her spine met the sofa cushions.

Crossing her arms over her chest defiantly, Rey slumped further into the sofa. “I hate this.” She moaned, glaring at Ben. He tried to not take looks and grumbles to heart, as Rey was in truly rare form, yet the constant snippety attitude from her was started to dig into his skin.

“You are going to sit there and watch Disney Channel, while I go look for some crackers and 7Up.” Ben handed her the remote, and went to the kitchen in search of the items.

“The baby shows are still on!” Rey called out to Ben when he entered the kitchen.

“Well too bad!” Ben shouted back, riffling through the cabinets with more aggression than necessary.

* * *

 

“Ben, my head hurts.” Rey mumbled, tucked under a pile of blankets, her checkered red and blue blanket resting on the top. She was cold, but clammy, which meant the best option was to keep her warm and have her drink fluids. Ben sat on the opposite side of the sofa, a pile of saltine crackers, Gatorade and 7Up bottles between them. Rey threw up a couple more times since she was forced to sit in the living room under Ben’s supervision.  But for the past hour and a half she’d been able to keep some food down, it was all the other flu symptoms that seemed to be bothering her.

“Take a nap.” Ben tiredly suggested for probably the tenth time since Rey came from school. He pinched the bridge of his nose; Rey had been absolutely stubborn, completely against the idea of taking a nap. “Your body needs to recuperate; sleeping does that.”

Rey huffed, “Can I have more medicine?” She tried, wiggling around her blankets.

“Nope, you took some Nyquil an hour ago.” Ben reminded her, he learned towards her. “Rey, you need to sleep. The Nyquil is supposed to help that—you are fighting it.” It was incredibly frustrating, watching her in moan and groan in pain, running off to vomit every so often, yet refusing to follow the easiest part of being sick—sleeping for long hours. He wondered why she didn’t want to fall asleep, he’d be right there if she need anything. She wasn’t going to be left alone, sick.

“But I don’t want to go to sleep.” She argued again, sitting up. She blinked firmly, her eyes going cross-eyed. “Ben, I think—”

He jumped into action, grabbing the empty waste basket nearby, knowing she’d never make it to the bathroom at this rate. She retched into the little basket the moment it appeared under her chin, Ben pushing away her hair as she emptied her stomach.

Ben decided, this was awful. He never wanted to see Rey throw up again, him feeling animosity toward how her little body quaked from the movements and the unnatural paleness of her tanned skin.

Once she finished, Rey began to cry again, her head falling back against Ben’s arm. Setting the waste basket at a safe enough distance to not accidentally be knocked over, Ben pulled Rey against his chest. Her arms accidentially got trapped between their bodies, but she did not seem to mind as she curled into him. Eventually, her crying calmed down, Rey shifting out of his arms to sit more comfortably beside him on the sofa.

“Hey,” She didn’t lift her eyes from her blanket. To garner her attention, Ben placed a warm hand on her shoulder, “How about, you drink some water and then go brush your teeth, while I go get a book to read to you?”

Instead of disagreeing with his every order and suggestion as she had been doing for most of the day, Rey slowly stood up and headed to the bathroom. Ben blinked, surprised at the quiet listening and receiving. He was brought back to reality when he heard the facet flipped on.

Passing the bathroom down the hall, Ben went to his room. Digging into his bedside drawer, Ben found his copy of _Jane Eyre_. When he entered the living room, Rey was back under the blankets, chewing slowly on a cracker. Silently he sat beside her, lifting the edge of the blanket as an offering. Noticing this, Rey scooted closer to Ben to get a better view of the book.

With care he opens the book to the first chapter of the beloved story he and Rey shared. Ben cleared his throat and began “ _There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.  We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning...”_

* * *

 

_“…That afternoon lapsed in peace and harmony; and in the evening Bessie told me some of her most enchanting stories, and sang me some of her sweetest songs.  Even for me life had its gleams of sunshine.”_

Ben realized a heavy weight was pressed to his shoulder. Turning his head ever so slightly, out of the corner of his eye he saw Rey peacefully fast asleep, her head rested on his left bicep.

He smiled, relieved.

* * *

 

“Shh, Cassian,” Jyn chided when they passed the living room on their way the kitchen, their arms laden with groceries and ingredients to make homemade caldo de pollo for their sick daughter. It was almost seven in the evening when the couple arrived at their home.

The sight in the living room almost caused the mother to rush off and find a camera.

Both Rey and Ben were asleep on the sofa. A wave of nostalgia hit Jyn, she remembering the times Rey would follow Ben around like a little duckling when the Skywalker-Solos visited, the little girl eventually falling asleep beside him, worn out from the day.

“I think…” Cassian said quiet yet clearly, his gaze focused on Ben. “That is the first time I have seen him actually sleep in a few days.”

Both knew Ben struggled with sleeping; they had him keep a sleeping log to see how many hours he’d be able to get in during a night. So far he’d only been able to reach three.

“Let’s leave them, and make the caldo for tomorrow.” Cassian decided. Neither parent moved as they watched for a second longer.

Ben…Ben was getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE ARE DONE WITH JANUARY 2008. WOO.  
> Poor Rey. Stomach flu sucks.  
> I have a tumblr: intp-slytherin97. Its mostly reblogs of Reylo and whatever else I am watching, but it's there if you want to follow :)


	16. A Door*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is a little short chapter because I am procrastinating on school work.

**February 4 th 2008**

“What?” Ben asked surprised, nearly knocking over the tomato sauce he had been stirring.

Cassian grinned at Ben as he picked up the crushed garlic from the cutting board, “I said I will be attaching the door to your bedroom tomorrow. You will still need to keep the door open for the most part, but at least it will give you a little bit of privacy.”

Ben couldn’t believe it. He was getting a _door_.

A door! To his _bedroom_. He could actually shut the door to change. Or when he wanted to listen to music in the middle of the night. He could use the ceiling light, and he would not be concerned about waking Rey up from the light in his room. He’d have a _door_.

Ben nodded, swallowing “Cool.” He responded nonchalantly. Feeling his eyes beginning to sting, Ben looked down to the sauce. He did not want Cassian to see him get choked up over having a door. But having a door…it was more than privacy he craved.

It was progress, but most importantly…it was trust.

Trust he earned, all on his own. From people—from a family he cared about.

Ben treasured this trust Cassian and Jyn bestowed on him.

* * *

 

**April 2 nd 2035**

Rey turned the corner, halting at the sight of the open doorway of her daughter’s room. From her vantage point, Rey could see Emery reclining in her wooden desk chair, staring blankly at her open sketch book. For a moment Emery was replaced with a hunched over young man, eyebrows knit together as he wrote in his journal.

Rey shook her head, unable to ignore how much her daughter reminded her of Ben.

Her husband removed the bedroom door a day and a half ago, its absence leaving a jarring effect in the rest of the hallway. The thirty-nine year old woman suddenly felt twelve, lost on what to do, on how to help. Rey wasn’t like her mother or her father, easy-going with a ready ear to listen.

Rey was nosy and stuck her head into everyone’s business until they listened to her. She liked to give solutions to problems, yet she knew from the first go around, this situation did not require an immediate solution. It required an open heart and mind.

She needed to find Emery’s glow-in-the-dark-stars.

And she knew just where to start.

Squaring her shoulders, Rey entered Emery’s room, leaving her fears and concerns in the hall. “Stardust,” She greeted quietly, Emery lifting her just slightly to glance at her mother. “I am going to the store right now to pick up some more glitter for Addie’s solar system diagram,” Rey smiled at her daughter for the first time since the incident, hoping she was being encouraging. “Do you want to come along and pick up some paint?”

“Paint?” Emery questioned, sitting up.

Rey hummed in acknowledgement, “Yup, so you can paint your walls. Maybe finally paint the mural you are always going on about.” Rey shrugged casually, trying not to be overly excited or desperate for her daughter to accept. She’d been planning on letting Emery paint her room when her birthday rolled around in May, but maybe the mural would be her daughter’s stars.

“Uh, yeah,” Emery agreed, her eyes smiling despite the sentiment not reaching her lips.

Progress was progress. It required patience, all of which Rey was better at than anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE TIME JUMP. But the flash-forwards will no longer be in chronological order, so is it really a time jump? *shrugs*  
> Originally the second half was a lot different-- majorly. But I decided to save it as the last flash-forward in this fic-- whenever that happens.  
> Comments and kudos always welcomed and appreciated!


	17. Cut From the Same Essense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a result of procrastination and the fact the next chapter of 'Trusting December' has a major Anakin moment. ;)

**February 6 th 2008**

_Benjamin Solo,_

_I felt it is easier to speak to a fellow soul cut from the same essence through pen and paper. I tried to call a few times before, only having the courage to speak once. I am afraid I do not know how to speak to you, hear your voice or see you face to face without experiencing a wave of guilt. You were only a child when I tried to be a father to my own children once again—suddenly I had two roles I had absolutely no idea to navigate._

_It is not an excuse for any of my actions, or my absence in your life._

_In the cliché form, I am here for you, even if I am just someone to write to, or tell about your day. I just want to be part of your until it is too late._

_Please consider,_

_Grandfather Ani_

Ben frowned at the letter, surprised by its existence. He’d tried to call his grandfather back, but the calls went straight to voicemail. Part of him thought he hallucinated the entire thing, only the saved voicemail as evidence that the call was real.

Picking up a pen and paper, Ben decided to respond.

_Grandfather,_

_Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate the gesture more than I think you might realize. I think you might be on to something; it is easier to write rather than try to make polite conversation over the phone._

_I am currently not doing much…_

He lifted his head from his letter to see Rey sitting across from him, swinging her legs back and forth as she worked out a math problem. He offered to help with her Pre-Algebra, the two sitting at the dining table as Rey worked on her homework. Slowly she lifted her head up, eyes growing wide to see Ben starting back at her. Quickly, she ducked her head back into her math worksheet, her face blooming into a pinkish tint. The pink followed down her neck, creating a girlish glow around her.

Ben’s eyes narrowed.

He had a _suspicion_ …one he honestly wished wasn’t _true_.

But it was the third time he caught Rey staring at him in the last ten minutes; the evidence was piling up. He decided it was best to ignore it. She was _twelve_ ; Rey had inevitably entered the socially awkward stage of adolescence. Ben only hoped her awkward phase lasted a couple years, not the entirety of middle school and high school—like him.

He glanced back down at his pen and paper, hoping the task at hand would take his mind off his current problem.

_…I have been living with Jyn and Cassian for almost two months. It’s been nice. I’ve mostly spent time with the family, helping around the house, and writing._

_I am taking an art class, which is reaffirming I am not an artist. Painting is messy, and I am pretty sure every time I am forced to sketch a still life of a bowl of fruit a part of my soul dies. But I guess it is relaxing, if someone likes that sort of thing._

_I mostly have been sticking with it because I’ve made friends._

_Having friends, especially friends who want to know more about me than just the basic facts…is refreshing. Relieving even. Kaydel and Jess are cool, in the alternative sort of way. Kaydel is brash and commanding, while Jess is more soft spoken, though the oddest things come out of her mouth. They might be the truest form of yin and yang._

Rey twiddled her pencil between her fingers, absentmindedly humming a song. The little knotted buns on the top of her head bobbed sideways and down as she nodded along to the music in her head. Ben recognized the off-tune humming. It was _The Killers_ song he played for her earlier; she had naïvely declared _The Jonas Brother_ were the best band in existence. Ben put it upon himself to educate his young friend on _real_ music, lending her his _Fall Out Boy_ , _My Chemical Romance_ , and The _Killers_ CDs.

And, after great contemplation, he decided to also lend her his coveted re-mastered The Smiths _The Queen is Dead_ CD. 

_Though I think this spunky, kind of annoying, twelve year old I live with might still hold the unspoken title of best friend. Is it strange how two people, of different ages and genders, are well attuned to each other? It freaks me out sometimes how perceptive she is… sometimes its like she knows exactly what’s going on in my brain._

_Have you ever had an experience like that?_

_Sincerely,_

_Ben_

_P.S. It honestly doesn’t matter if you call me Ben or Benjamin. Grandma Paddy calls me Benjamin. I kind of like it._

* * *

 

**February 10 th 2008**

_Benjamin,_

_That inexplicable connection you feel—yes I have experienced it. He was one of my best friends, like a brother to me. I lived with his family when I was a young boy, after my parents passed away. He was a few years old than me, often teasing and scolding. Kenobi and I had a friendship and mentorship; though initially it was unwilling. Eventually, we warmed up to each other. He’d always look after me, even when I did the most idiotic actions…I wonder how he is doing._

_He and I lost contact some odd years ago. Last I heard, he lived in Quebec._

_Ben, whatever you do, never let go of this friendship._

_With care,_

_Grandfather Ani_

Ben tucked the letter away in his desk drawer where many more letters will find their home nestled together in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will learn more about Anakin's friendship with Kenobi in these letters :) Our favorite Darth Grandfather has some things he needs to work out too, he and Ben helping each other. On another note-- poor Rey. She is not as subtle as she thinks she is, haha. 
> 
> If none of you can tell from my fics, I had an emo phase I never really grew out of when is concens musical tastes, haha. And I listened to way too much The Smiths as an impressionable thirteen year old.
> 
> ALSO, February is going to fly by in this fic. The next chapter will be Valentines Day.


	18. Mythology*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to tell his daughter a bedtime story, but her insistent interruptions make it difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is not a usual chapter, but a one shot I wrote in the Of the Seasons universe for Reylo Week 2018! If you guys want to read my other one shots for Reylo Week, check out 'I Can't See Your Surroundings... Just You'.
> 
> Also, once the semester is over (only a week and a day left, thank the lord) I will go back to writing one shots/drabbles for this fic! :)
> 
> Here is some Dad Ben goodness :)

Once upon a time…there was a young girl who lived—

_In a garden! The book has a garden on the cover._

Okay…Uh…. the young girl lived in a garden.

The garden had been nurtured and cared for by her mother and father, who had brought her into their home when she’d been a child.

_Like me!_

Yes, just like you.

And they loved her as though she were their own flesh and blood. As though she was carried in the mother’s womb. She was the answer to their prayers and never ending fountain of blessings.

The young girl played many games in the garden and tended to the flowers…though she was lonely. Oh, so very lonely. She did not have any brothers or sisters.

_Really? That’s sad. I love my sister._

I know you love your sister, Addie. And she loves you too.

Anyways, the young girl was very lonely until one winter day, when she’d been longing for the warmth of spring, she stumbled upon someone who was just as lonely as her. He was a young man, filled with darkness and hurt, his home down in the underworld. He choose loneliness because he felt the only person he could trust best was himself. He’d been betrayed by his family too many times.

_Why would his family do that?_

Because…because sometimes parents don’t always understand their kids.

_You understand me, don’t you Papa?_

Of course I do, Stardust. Your Mama and I make sure to understand you, love you, and care for you.

_Papa, the story!_

Yes, the story!

The young girl and the young man became friends from their loneliness. They understood each other like no other. She saw past the darkness and found the happiness hidden inside him. He treated her like the smart woman she was, and did not belittle her or coddle her…they lived in respect and love. A love only two halves of one whole could ever understand.

_Did they read? Because I like reading._

….And…uh, they read the same books. Their favorite was—

_Jane Eyre!_

Really? Out of all the books you can choose, their favorite is _Jane Eyre_? You really are your Mother’s daughter.

When winter came to an end, the young man had to go away, back to his home. Which made the young girl distraught. She did not want her best friend to leave, but she needed to let him go and live his life—

_This is sad, Papa._

Well, if you’d let me finish Addster.

_Sorry. Not sorry._

Though fret not! The girl and the young man did not have to say goodbye, because the girl decided to run after him. She followed him back to the darkness of the underworld. The two realized they could not live without the other, even if it did take the young man some convincing—

_But what about her family!?_

Uh… she eventually told her family about their love.

_But they cared about her, and she just left for a boy!_

Well it wasn’t just any boy!

* * *

 

“Is everything alright in here?” Rey popped her head into Addie’s bedroom, trying not to giggle at the sight of Ben’s tall form folded and squeezed to sit on their youngest daughter’s twin bed.

Ben glanced back at his wife, their five year old daughter tucked to his side. Wiggling out of his light grasp to sit up taller, Addie waved sleepily to her mother.

“Papa’s telling me a bedtime story.” Addie mumbled sleepily, curling back into her father’s side musing up her dark curls as she shifted to get comfortable again.

“I heard.” Rey entered to room, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. “I was curious what bedtime story Papa was telling you.” She picked up the slim book to her left; it had been kicked to the edge of the bed in Addie and Ben’s struggled to get comfortable. Frowning confusedly at the title, Rey rose an eyebrow at her husband. “Greek Mythology? Seriously Ben?”

He sighed tiredly, an embarresed blush gracing the tips of his ears. “She found the book in my office, and insisted I needed to read it tonight.” Out of their two girl’s, Addie had become Ben’s little shadow and mini-me despite the lack of any biological relation. From the moment she was brought into their home as a baby, the curly haired and dark eyed girl latched on to Ben as her lifeline. Of course, this sometimes led to more trouble than necessary, Addie more often than not digging through her papa’s belongs until she found something that pleased her. Ben did not have the heart to scold her, or make his office off limits to the girls. “But I wasn’t going to read our five year a very detailed interpretation of ‘Hades and Persephone’.”

“’Hades and Persephone’?” Rey echoed cheekily.

“It’s the one on the cover.” Ben waved vaguely to the book with the arm currently not trapped in Addie’s grasp.

Silently, Rey flipped through the copy, stopping to read Ben’s elegant script in the margins. “You’re thinking of basing your next novel on ‘Hades and Persephone’?” She asked, surprised at how many notes he had stuffed and taped in the book.

“Ah…yeah. I mean I still want it to kind of revolve around the coming of age idea, but I thought I’d be interesting to play with.” He shrugged, sneaking a glimpse of his daughter’s lulled head on his arm. “It looks like our conversation bored her enough.”

Carefully, with Rey’s help, Ben extract himself from Addie’s tight grip. Rey slipped her daughter’s stuffed birdy, Progy, as a cuddle replacement.

Ben pressed a quick kiss to Addie’s mop of curls, as Rey adjusted the blankets. Once they decided their daughter was effectively tucked in and fast asleep, the parent’s quietly left the room, leaving the bedroom door open a crack.

“So…” Rey spoke, once they were a couple of feet away from Addie’s room. “You think we’re ‘Hades and Persephone’?” Rey asked, a smirk growing on her lips. “A sad young man and a young girl become friends. They don’t tell anyone about their love…”

“I…” Ben shook his head, “I was trying to dilute the story.” He defended, a sly smile pulling at his lips. “But I think _you’re_ projecting—I never once said it was us.”

“Uhm, sure.” Rey nodded mockingly, rolling her eyes lightly. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

He caught her arm, tugging her closer to him. “I think _you_ help me sleep at night.”

“Oh,” Rey grinned, turning to wrap her arms around Ben’s neck. “That was an awful line.” She said, her fingers playing with the ends of his dark hair.

“I know; it turned you on right?” Ben asked, stepping closer to Rey until there was zero space left between the two. His hands curled around her waist,

“ _Absolutely.”_ Rey looked up at her husband with wide, playful eyes. She leaned up to catch his lips with her own—

“PAPA!” Addie called from her bedroom, “You never finished the story!”

A disappointed chuckle escaped Ben. He gently knocked his forehead against Rey’s. “Duty calls.” He stepped out her hold. Before he entered Addie’s room, he looked back at her with over the top sadness, his hand stretched out to her, “Wait for me my Persephone!”

“You’re a fucking nerd.” Rey laughed, shaking her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Addie and Emery, I might throw some more of them in future chapters :)
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	19. The Bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is something quick and lighthearted! A nice change of pace from what's going on with Trusting December :)  
> Plus Kaydel and Jess

**February 12, 2008**

“I’ve decided people are shitheads.” Kaydel announced to Ben and Jess after their Friday afternoon art class. Jess hummed in agreement, as the two girls sat on the bench on either side of Ben, waiting with him until Jyn picked him up. While watching the parking lot attentively, Ben listened absentmindedly to Kaydel’s rant on exactly why ‘people are shitheads,’ agreeing at the right moments.

From both Jyn and Rey, Ben learned it was sometimes best to agree and let someone vent until they were spent before giving his two cents.

The course met twice a week for two hours on Mondays and Fridays, the three quickly bonding over shared interests and disappointments during the class activities. Ben learned how Jess lived in a circus of a household, filled with seven other siblings, feeling like the odd one out with her passion for design and how her older brother was the one who got her into plane designs. Without much prompting, Kaydel immediately let the two know her parents decided to finally get a divorce, her mom and dad revealing a giant truth bomb while they were at it: Her mom had basically been her dad’s beard for the last fifteen years. Ben had slightly panicked when the two girls waited on him expectantly to reveal some deep dark truth about himself as they painted abstract flowers with watercolors.

“My parents basically dumped me with my godparents, who are really fantastic people and probably do not deserve to be looking after me, after I attempted suicide.” Ben spoke quickly, yet both girl’s caught every word. He expected them to back away in disgust, or maybe pat him on the back and try to offer advice…Instead, Jess and Kaydel nodded.

“Shit happens dude, glad to know you’re here.” Kaydel told him honestly with a shrug.

Jess hummed in agreement. “Your godmother looks like a badass.”

Ben snorted under his breath, adding more purple to his blob of a flower “Yeah, she is.”

That had happened about thirty minutes into the day’s class, the three falling back into easy conversation as though Ben’s admission was a tiny little blip.

He _really_ liked that.

After a few minutes of Jess and Kaydel chatting over the cliffhanger on the most recent episode of _How I Met Your Mother_ , Jyn’s car pulled into the parking lot.

A small force of nature bound out the car, Ben barely catching Rey as she came barreling into him. “At school today we started reading a new book—and it was _To Kill a Mocking Bird_ , and I was the only who had ever read it before!” She stated proudly to Ben, standing her full height of 5’4”.

“That’s awesome kiddo,” Ben batted at her top bun of the three lining the length of her scalp.

“ _To Kill a Mockingbird_? That’s legit shit.” Kaydel commented, Rey jumping at the sound of her voice. “Probably one of the only books I actually read in middle school.” She shrugged, squinting curiously at Rey.

“Ben you never mentioned you have a sister.” Jess spoke up from behind her curtain of hair, though she was still doodling loopy circles in her sketch pad.

“Oh Rey’s not my sister.” Ben hastily clarified, “She’s my godparent’s daughter.”

Jess hummed in understanding, while Kaydel observed the twelve year old. Rey’s t-shirt, from Fall Out Boy’s _From_ _Under the Cork Tree_ tour—a concert the kid was too young to attend—was two sizes too big and needed to be tucked into her jeans. Probably stolen from Ben. It didn’t take long for Kaydel to realize how close Ben was to this girl. Rey was clearly protective of Ben, standing little more forward than him with her chin held high, as though she was ready to jump to his defense at any moment. For Kaydel, it was kind of humorous to see a kid about a foot shorter than Ben be his little guard dog—and for him to be completely unaware.

Rey was reading Kaydel as well, possibly writing Jess off as harmless. Kaydel stuck a hand out to Rey, “Kaydel Ko Connix, it is a pleasure to meet you Rey.”

Surprisingly, Rey shook Kaydel’s hand, smiling politely. “Nice to meet you too,” She muttered, somewhere between shy and confident, “And you as well…

“Jess,” The girl answered, finally looking up from her sketch pad. “I like your shirt. And the three buns—very cool.” She commented causing Rey to smile brightly at her.

“Thanks!” Rey tried to peek at Jess’ sketch pad, though found it difficult to look at it upside down. “What are you drawing?”

“It’s… you.” She flipped over the paper, to show quick pencil sketch of a girl with three buns on her head and a bright smile. More cartoonish than her usual work, but the drawing served its purpose by the kid’s reaction. Rey giggled at the sight, her curious eyes trailing to the other little swirls and crosshatches littering the corners of the page.

A quick honk from Jyn reminded Rey and Ben they were being waited upon. Rey spun back around to Ben, “We should probably get going…”

He nodded, already leading her back to the “You’re right.” Over his shoulder he called, “See you guys on Friday!” Jess and Kaydel watching as the pair walked down the side walk to the awaiting car.

“I’m calling it right now,” Jess spoke up as she and Kaydel watched Ben leave, he holding open the backseat door for Rey to climb in. “He’s going to marry her.”

Kaydel vocally gaged. “Eww, _Jess_.” She scolded, unable to look at her friend. “The kid’s _twelve_.”

“She won’t be in ten years,” Jess shrugged as she put her sketch pad back into her skull patterned backpack by her feet. By her look of disbelief, Jess knew Kaydel was not convinced. “My parents have a nine year age difference. It’s not weird, Kay.”

“I’m not saying it would be weird—it’s just a strange thing to think of _now_.”

“He’s already wrapped around her finger,” Jess reasoned, standing from the bench, “Did you not see how much adoration he has for her? Imagine how amplified that would be in ten—no— _seven_ years?”

Gapping at Jess, Kaydel stood up following the shorter girl to her car, “Fine, I’ll humor you,” She cut off Jess’ path, arms crossed. A wicked smirked played on her lips as she formed her plan, “Let’s make a bet—if they get married in the next, let’s say—”

“Twelve.” Jess supplied, “I’ll throw my hat in for twelve years.” She stared up proudly at Kaydel, ready for her to defy.

“Fine,” Kaydel agreed begrudgingly, shifting from one foot to the other. “Let’s say if they get married in the next twelve years I’ll… get a tattoo with ‘Jess’ Bitch’.” She decided with little thought. What were the odds Jess would actually be right?

“Really?” Jess grinned, “You’ll get a tattoo, saying you’re my _bitch_?” She chuckled unable to hold back her mirth. “You do realize you will be in your thirties when this happens right? And you aichmophobia.” She reminded her best friend.

Kaydel held her hand out, “I am agreeing to do this only if you get ‘Kaydel’s Bitch’ if they don’t get married in the next twelve years or ever.”

Without a moment to second guess, Jess shook Kaydel’s hand—both making their bet and terms official.

 

* * *

 

**January 5 th 2019**

“Fuck you Solos!” Kaydel groaned into her hands, the entire table turning to her with concern.

Ben and Rey invited Kaydel, Jess, Phasma, and Hux over for dinner; a dinner to announce their engagement. To be married. In May.

“Kay are you okay?” Rey asked from across the table, glancing at Ben for help. He appeared just as clueless as her despite being friends with the woman for over a decade. Kaydel was known to be loud at times, but never too rash with her judgements. She and Jess were the ‘mellow ones’ in their friend group, which left Rey wondering why Kaydel suddenly became so distraught at the engagement. “Whats—”

“You could not have waited another two years to get married?” Kaydel asked the impending bride and groom, who both continued to stare at her with the upmost confusion.

Ben frowned, opening his mouth to speak several times before finally figuring out what exactly to say in response to _that_ question. “Kay, I have been meaning to propose for over a year—why the hell would Rey and I wait to get married?”

“So she doesn’t get ‘Jess’ Bitch’ tattooed.” Jess spoke up with a smug smile. Annoyed with her friend’s impeccable memory, Kaydel growled in Jess’ direction. “We made a bet and she’s not going to want to follow through.” She raised an eyebrow at Kaydel, the woman deciding to give her the cold shoulder.

“Excuse me?” Hux asked, glancing at the women sitting across from him. “When did this happen? Because if I knew there was a bet, I would have thrown in some cash.”

Phasma held up her hand, “I’d second that.” Ben and Rey witnessed the exchange with both simmering rage and surprise. Their closest friends had a bet on their relationship, while their other friends were lamenting on how they were not included in this bet.

Kaydel rolled her eyes at Hux and Phasma, merely friends with the couple by association. “Jess and I made it years ago—”

“How many years?” Ben asked, intrigued by the phrase. Rey lost contact with Jess and Kaydel when she and Ben drifted apart, the women more Ben’s friends when they were younger. Of course that was not the case now, as Rey, Kaydel, and Jess all became close friends once they reconnected a few years prior.

“Like…ten?” Kaydel shrugged apologetically, already knowing she was going to get an earful from Rey about how she was a child at the time and how inappropriate it was to make that bet. Ben would then nod in agreement, but then laugh which would then make Rey laugh—

That was how an engagement announcement turned into a group outing to find the nearest tattoo parlor from Ben and Rey’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated :)


	20. Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaaat? Another update? I'm less than 24 hours?   
> Yes.   
> I've had this mostly written for a month, but life and finals took over. But here is the Valentines chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**February 14 th 2008**

“Come on Rey smile!” Jyn tried to coax her daughter, though the tween remained with her crossed arms and a frown. “Rey, you are going to smile for at least one of these photos, I did not do your hair for nothing.” With a huff, Rey stained a smile for Jyn, the camera clicking twice before her mother was satisfied.

Ben stood off to the side, suppressing a chuckle at the fuss over Rey. At her parent’s insistence, the twelve year begrudgingly agreed to attend her middle school’s Valentine’s Dance. Which meant she’d been forced to wear a nice dress, and have her usually knotted hair curled and sprayed into tight cork screw perfection. In true Rey fashion, she remained stubborn throughout the entire endeavor. Jyn was lucky she caught one decent picture.

“Alright, let take the princess to her ball.” Cassian joked, Rey’s frown deepening.

“I am _not_ a princess.” Rey declared, roughly shrugging on her green coat. “I find the idea _patronizing_.”

The three adults in the room froze.

“Excuse me?” Jyn turned to her daughter, the mother and daughter nearly eye to eye. “You’ll always be our princess Stardust, whether you like it or not. And do you even know what that word means?”

Rey huffed, shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat, “Yes. It means to belittle in a kind way.” Jyn and Cassian shared a dubious look. Sensing their confusion and discontent, Rey continued to explain her thoughts with a childish air of maturity only a twelve year old on the cusp of coming of age could accomplish. “I know Papa wasn’t trying to do that, but I decided I no longer want to be called a princess.”

Rubbing his chin, not as surprised as his wife—or at least maintaining a better poker face—Cassian squinted at his daughter, “If that’s what you want…then what _can_ we call you?” Rey tilted her head, trying to understand her father’s question. “Is there another nickname you’d prefer?”

Rey shrugged, her curls bouncing into the side of her face. Her hand flicked away the offending pieces of hair as she answered, “Not one I can think of right now. I still like Stardust though,” With that Rey continued out the door to wait for her parents in the car, Ben following after her.

“Where did she even learn that word? Is that in sixth grade English?” Ben overheard Jyn mutter as he exited the front door, a guilty flush creeping on his neck.

 

 

 _The previous weekend, while Jyn and Cassian went out for their reinstated ‘date night,’ (Something the couple put on hold when Ben moved in, but were slowly incorporating their old schedule) Rey and Ben were sitting on the couch watching_ The Breakfast Club _. A movie Rey begged to watch, despite Ben being not too sure if it was appropriate content for a twelve year old. She heard some of her friends at school had watched it recently, and she wanted to say she saw it as well. Middle school politics at its finest. He had zero desire to progress the spiral._

 _Not to mention Ben wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of John Hughes films…expect maybe_ Some Kind of Wonderful _and_ Ferris Buller’s Day Off. _But that was it._

_Yet when Rey blinked her big hazel eyes at him—which he was starting to notice she was beginning to take advantage of— Ben caved. Why couldn’t Rey ask to watch something else? Anything else—he’d even let her watch a scary movie…Which might not be the best option for him because he honestly wasn’t a fan of those either, but he at least knew Rey liked the genre._

_For the most part, the viewing had been uneventful. The delivered pizza had been devoured (and Ben was proud of himself for calling at the right time—right before the late dinner rush—and mentally accounting how long it would take the pizza to arrive since they were in the middle of nowhere), and a battle of wills to see who would eat all the Red Vines. Rey won. Ben, of course still trying to be responsible supervision, forced Rey to cover her ears or close her eyes during the inappropriate moments._

_“But he’s just went under the table. What could he possibly do to her while he’s under the table?” She whined when Ben covered her eyes and Rey unwillingly covered her ears._

_“You don’t want to know, kiddo.” Ben assured her, “You don’t want to know.”_

_“Why does he keep on calling her ‘Cherry’? Is it because of her hair?” Rey asked. An innocent question that had a not-so-innocent answer._

_“Sure let’s go with that.” Ben agreed, regretting his decision to let Rey watch the movie with the amount of questions she was asking._

_“Bender calls Claire a bunch of mean names because he likes her?” Rey cried out, watching very confused as Bender and Claire kissed on the television screen. “That’s stupid.”_

_Ben nodded in agreement, stealing one of Rey’s Red Vines. Maybe letting Rey watch The Breakfast Club wasn’t that bad of an idea, especially I it meant she’d recognize how poorly some of the characters are treated, both by their circumstances and how they were portrayed on film. “He patronizes her, throughout the entire movie and she still likes him. It’s awful.” Ben remarked._

_“What does ‘patronize’ mean?”_

“Hey, Rey,” Ben called out as he took a few short steps to her. She’d been waiting by the backseat door for her dad to unlock the car. He glanced behind him, to see both Jyn and Cassian still by the front door talking out of an ear shot. Ben mentally referred it their ‘Discussion Door’ the two always having important conversation with each other right outside the front door if they didn’t want Ben or Rey to hear. Ben hunched down a bit, making eye contact with Rey, “You…you do realize your parents weren’t _patronizing_ you?”

Befuddled, Rey looked up at him, “But you said—”

“I know what I said,” Ben assured her, dropping a hand on her shoulder. “I just meant, you shouldn’t let other people patronize you. Like _boys_.” She blinked up at him, her lips pinching together in thought. She still wasn’t getting it. “Your parents call you ‘princess’ from a place of sincerity. They _love_ you. It’s a term of endearment.” Ben explained to Rey without trying to sound too preachy, or belittling of her intellect. She was a smart girl for her age, but not everything translated well between Ben defining the word and Rey comprehending how the word was used in action or what actions defined it.

“Like how you call me kiddo—”

“Yes.”

“Is patronizing.” Rey finished with conviction, eyebrows scrunched together.

“Yes,” Ben answered immediately before he realized what Rey said. His eyes widen. “What? No. I’m not patronizing you.”

“But you said—”

“I know what I said,” He chuckled under his breath nervously. How did this conversation be one about him? “But I am not belittling you. Rey, your my best friend, I would never.” He spoke softly, squeezing her shoulder lightly, hoping to communicate the high regard her had for his younger friend.

She shook his hand off her shoulder.

“But it feels like you do,” Rey defended, arms crossed over her chest, “And I don’t like it. I do not like the nickname ‘kiddo’.” She declared with her gaze firmly on the ground. “You said I shouldn’t let boys belittle me, patronize me. And you’re a _boy_ , Ben.”

He did not expect to be hurt by her words. He did not expect to be offended.

Nor was he. In fact he was…oddly relieved. He wasn’t even too sure if ‘relieved’ could explain what he felt, because it also felt as though he lost something. As though, he suddenly lost the ring his mother gave him for his sixteenth birthday.  He wouldn’t be too bothered by the fact he lost the ring—he was rather indifferent to the object and only wore it to please his mother—yet he’d feel the loss of its presense on his right ring finger. Or he had believed one way—like he could only drink coffee in the morning, but _no_ , you can definitely drink coffee at all times of the day, he was just told he _couldn’t_. Like a little switch had finally been flicked, and he saw the reality of the situation he found in this new light…

For the first time ever, Ben became highly aware he and Rey were not ‘siblings’ or ‘cousins’ as their family often projected on the two. They were friends. He never realized how actively he’d seek her friendship; in all actuality, they did not have to be friends. In fact he found her to be incredibly annoying when they first met. She was just his godparent’s daughter.

He internally winced—he even introduced her as ‘his godparent’s daughter’ to Jess and Kaydel.

Rey was his friend, his very _best friend_. He had no doubt he and Rey would ever _stop_ being friends. He need to acknowledge their friendship, and ultimately respect her in that sense. Respect her in the sense she was his friend, not some _kid_ that sometimes hung out with him.

He’d always punch any guy who’d call her a ‘kid’ or ‘kiddo,’ who wasn’t his uncle or father—who actually used the phrase as a term of endearment, Rey even embracing the term with a gleeful grin whenever Luke called.

“You’re right,” Rey’s head shot up at his words, her hazel eyes wide. She clearly did not expect him to agree with her.

“I...I am?” She looked like a little kid when she stared up at him like that, as though she expect him to have all the answers. But she didn’t want to be referred to as a kid, and Ben had to respect that.

“Yup,” He nodded slowly, biting his lips together. “If you don’t like the nickname, then I can call you something else—or just Rey.” He shrugged, a smile forming.

A smile solely reserved for Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not fluffy, but very important for Rey and Ben's friendship.  
> And I purposely did not have Rey decide on a nickname... mostly because I need to go reread everything I have written so far for this verse to see if Ben actually calls Rey anything other than 'sweetheart'-- and I kind of want to reserve that for when they are together romantically. 
> 
> Also, I do like the movie 'The Breakfast Club', but I also acknowledge how problematic it can be. And I was like Rey, watching the movie for the first time when I was twelve. I actually watched the entirety of John Hughes collection by the time I was thirteen.
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! :)


	21. Don Quixote*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't chase after me with pitchforks *hides under a blanket*

**February 16, 2008**

Exhausted, Ben blinked back the glaze of sleep in his eyes.

Not that it mattered. Every time he dozed off, his body jumbled together nerves and created a sensation of free falling. He’d wake up in less than ten minutes with spiking panic and ragged breath. For the last couple of days, falling asleep was practically impossible for Ben. Sagely, he believed his body was retaliating for allowing him to slumber somewhat peacefully for the majority of the previous week.

Rolling over, Ben reached over and flicked the desk lap on. A warm hue surfaced slowly, the bulb becoming its brightest after a few moments. Opening the closest drawer, Ben pulled out his copy of _Don Quixote_. A copy he wanted to throw out when he was packing up his dorm, but didn’t because the book lover inside him cried out painfully in defense. The book was required reading for one of his English classes while he was attending university, though he never got around to reading the dense material, effectively failing every quiz given on the book. His mind was a little too preoccupied with other matters…like transporting incriminating information between shady politicians and—

 _No_. He wasn’t going to think about that.

He was going to read _Don Quixote_ and hope Cervantes’ excessive prose would lull him to sleep. He heard enough from his peers during his first semester complain about the book—it was ‘ _too_ long’ and ‘tedious to follow’ were the major complaints. Ben felt if the allegations were true, he’d be able to nod off at some point…

Not the case.

Sure, the opening took some time to get past, as well as the story within a story format but…the novel was funny. Slapstick and ridiculous—this man had been writing at the same time as _Shakespeare_?

Ben became engrossed with the words on the page, unware of the time and his drooping eyes. He just needed to finish this chapter…

 

 

“Ben,” Jyn knocked on his bedroom door lightly, leaning her ear closer. No sound was heard from inside.

Despite not getting much sleep to begin with, Ben was an early riser like her husband. Usually, the two men would have their breakfast and coffee together, which surprised Jyn to see Cassian sitting in the dining room alone, reading the morning paper.

Jyn knocked again, with more force. “Ben.” Peaks of light came through the bottom of the door. He was in the room, yet no response. Pushing away the fear he did something reckless—he was still depressed; depression could not be fixed in a couple of months, but he was without a doubt doing better—Jyn entered the bedroom.

Laying slumped on his side, Ben shifted a little at the sound of the door, but remained asleep. Stepping further into the room, Jyn caught sight of a fallen book by the side of his bed. Bending down, she picked up the copy of _Don Quixote_ and set it on top of his desk with care.

As she stood Jyn turned back to Ben, a ghost of smile forming. A seven year old Ben, messy dark curls and big, adorable ears emerged from the depths of Jyn’s memory. She’d been babysitting him as a favor for Leia, who needed to attend some event to speak on behalf of some friendly politician; Jyn could hardly remember as she and Cassian were slowly pulling away from politics at that point in their lives. She had put Ben to sleep in the guest bedroom, a room that became Ben’s room whenever he spent the night or stayed with his godparents. Believing he had honestly gone to sleep, Jyn left the boy to sleep with the bedside lap on. When she came in to check on him before heading to bed herself, she found Ben slumped on his side, a chapter book tucked under his body.

He looked childlike in his sleep, not stressed or worried as he usually was these days.

Before leaving the room, Jyn gently brushed away the curls from his face.

 

* * *

 

**October 22 nd 2019**

Jyn blinked her eyes open, humming lightly to wake herself up a bit more. Ben had been reading at her bedside, before his words stopped all together. Turning her head to the left, she saw her son-in-law had fallen asleep mid-sentence, the dense, worn copy of _Don Quixote_ resting closed on his lap. Jyn asked him to read it, remembering how entranced he became with the novel when he lived with her family over a decade ago. He did not put the book down unless he was eating or sleeping

The newlywed couple decided to move back to Lucas after Rey finished her degree, wanting to be closer to her parents. They said it was because they needed a change of pace, Southern California a little too busy for them.

Jyn knew it was because she only had a few more weeks left, maximum. The doctor had placed her on hospice a few days back. She’d already made peace with her impending death, it was everyone else…Like Ben, who had stopped by every other day to read to her, seemed to struggle with the reality of the situation.

Even at thirty, Ben appeared younger in his sleep.

“Mum,” Rey greeted by the doorway. Jyn hushed her, pointing to the large man sleeping in the chair by the window.

The young woman glanced at her husband, smiling sadly.

“He fell asleep reading.” Jyn watched as her daughter entered the room, crossing to Ben in a few short steps.

“You’d be surprised how often this happens,” Rey picked up the book from his lap, setting it down on the nightstand. “I once found three different books tucked under his pillow.” She gently nudged her husband, Ben blinking blearily up at her. “Come on love, I’ll drive us back.”

He murmured in agreement, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

“Oh, don’t bother. It’s late,” Jyn sighed reclining further in her pillows. “Just use the spare room.” Ben nodded dazed, Rey telling him to go on without her. He left with little argument; he was tired, his commute to the university he now taught was an hour and half away and moving closer to campus was not a current option for the couple. Waiting until he was out of earshot, Rey sat down on the edge of the bed. “You’re father probably fell asleep on the couch. If you can—”

“I’m pregnant.” Rey interrupted quietly, staring intensly back at Jyn. Her hazel eyes began to brim with tears, red around her waterline. The air in the room stilled, the only sound the drip from leaky faucet in the in-suite bathroom.

“Oh, Stardust,” Jyn breathed, her hand finding her daughter’s on top of the carefully crocheted blankets. “Does Ben…”

“Yes,” Rey nodded once, “He knows. We’ve known for about a week. I’m almost two months along.” She shook her head, rubbing the backside of her mother’s hand. “I thought…I thought my period was just acting weird again, like it always does but…” Her water smile did not last long, down turning as she struggled to take a deep breath. “We didn’t think it was possible. That I’d get pregnant again.” She spoke slowly as though she did not understand the words falling from her lips. “Mum, I can’t lose another baby, especially if you’re not here to—”

“Shh,” Jyn pulled her daughter into the best hug she could, Rey’s head ducked into her chin. It was easier to cry when Rey wasn’t watching. “You will be fine. The baby will be beautiful. Ben will be with you every step of the way like he always does, and you will have your father, and Han, and Leia. Even Finn and Rose, and those goddamn twins,” Jyn chuckled into Rey’s hair, pressing a kiss on her temple. “You will be a great mother Stardust, I have faith in you.”

The mother and daughter pulled away, Rey hastily wiping her tears with edges of her sleeves.

Reaching for the silver chain resting on the base of her throat, Jyn unclasped her necklace. “Here,” She held the chain and opal gem to Rey, “I want you to have it. It was once my mother’s, and now it’s yours.”

Hesitantly, Rey allowed her mother to place the necklace in her palm, more than a family heirloom released into her grasp.

* * *

 

**June 15 th 2038**

“Emery Jyn Solo, you better be awake or all the food will be gone.” Ben knocked on his eldest daughter’s door again. “I cannot control Addie from eating your waffle.”

Still no response.

He ignored the spike of irrational panic at the lack of grumbling or uncontrollable laughter from his daughter’s room. She was cursed like him with the inability to sleep in, waking early in the morning to make a pot of coffee for the house.

Ben was surprised to wake up at six in the morning and not see Emery sitting at the dining table with her coffee and sketch pad. Rey shrugged it off, claiming the young woman needed to sleep at some point.

Though when the microwave digital clock blinked back half past nine, Ben knew something was wrong. The last time Emery slept past nine was when she was six and she had the flu.

“Em, I’m opening the door.” Ben twisted the knob, knowing there wasn’t a lock. Not by Ben or Rey’s doing was there not a lock, but by Emery’s. She’d been relatively fine for the last two years, but the entire family had been a little shaken up after the incident. Ben finally understood the reason behind Leia’s insistent phone calls. He thanked God every day that Emery had her mother’s sense of tact, not his. He would have lost his mind if Emery screened his messages and refused to call back.

Entering the room, expecting the worst, Ben stopped a step past the doorway. The sight of his nineteen year old daughter curled on her side with drool reminded him of the little girl he’d tuck back into bed when she tried to stay up past her bedtime. Her hair was cut short, her unruly chestnut curls ‘too difficult to handle’ she announced when she arrived home one afternoon with a pixie cut. She looked small on her full size bed—both Rey and Ben had been stunned when Emery stopped growing once she reached 5’2’’, fully expecting the girl to be taller. Ben was undoubtedly tall— _massive_ his wife would say—while Rey was at 5’7’’. They did not shy on height, yet somehow the Skywalker gene snuck its way into her once again.

Beside her bed, a worn copy of _Don Quixote_ laid open. Taking a seat on the edge of her bed, Ben bent down to pick up the book. Precariously, he flipped to the first page.

_Ben Solo_

On the top corner, his name was written in his neat cursive handwriting.

“Well, I haven’t seen _you_ in sometime,” Ben acknowledged the book, grinning down at the cover.

“Papa, _get out_.” Emery grumbled into her pillow, her voice muffled. She turned away from Ben. “I’m sleeping.”

“Oh then, I’ll just go tell Addie she can eat your waffle—”

“Damn it!” She groaned, shoving hordes of blankets away from her body as she tried to climb off her bed. Stumbling for a moment, Emery marched out of the room calling out, “Addie you better not be eating all the waffles!”

Closing the book, Ben set the beloved copy of Don Quixote beside Emery’s pillow.

She’ll finish it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So emotional. I cried writing this.
> 
> I have read Don Quixote; it was required reading for on of my English courses (aka I read it before I knew Adam Driver was in a film adaptation of the book). It is actually hilarious once you get through the beginning. And once you understand it is a comedy. And also understand Cervantes will go into other stories within the frame of Don Quixote. Bottom line, its long and takes forever to get through, but great overall! 
> 
> We got some more Emery! And see guys, she okay. This is roughly four years after 'A Door'. She's nineteen and in college/university, but she goes to the same university where Ben teaches :)


	22. Voicemails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another round of voicemails! 
> 
> Fun Fact: There actually is loose a pattern with the chapters if you haven't caught on (don't worry if you didn't).
> 
> The first chapter at the beginning of every next ten chapters starts with Ben struggling to sleep. The second is voicemails. The fourth is also always a journal entry. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**February 19 th 2008**

_Son, I’m going to be passing through Central California sometime tomorrow. Is it okay if I stop by?_

Ben deleted the message. Han would stop by with or without his permission. Might as well let nature run its course.

He groaned at the start of the next message. She started all her messages this way since after missing New Years. He knew it was guilt gnawing at her, but hearing hallow promises wasn’t of Ben’s best interest.

_Ben, I know you are still ignoring me—_

He deletes the message before she finishes the first sentence.

 _Dude, you need to learn how to pick up your phone. Voicemails are lame. Anyways, Jess and I going to see_ Cloverfield _this weekend. And you are going! No excuses!_

**_Yeah, man. You cannot be reading every weekend. You will turn into a vampire if you don’t get out sometime._ **

_And not like a hot one. But a sad one, like a really gawky sad one._

**_If it’s something like babysitting Rey that is holding you back, bring her along!_ **

_We can just say we’re seeing something else if the parentals ask. Call us back!_

Ben rolled his eyes. He quickly saved the message, adding ‘call Kay and Jess’ to his mental to-do list.

_Hello, this is Detective Windu, the officer you spoke—_

Ben saved the message; he’d need to listen when Jyn and Cass were around.

_Ben, I have been talking to your grandmother. She’s says you’ve been calling her weekly. That’s…that’s great._

He lifted the phone from his ear, looked fixatedly at the dented phone in his hand. She had nothing more to say?

_Ben, Jyn and I are running late tonight. There was a situation at her office and she needs to stay later. Do you think you can start dinner without us? Thanks._

“Hey Rey, how does breakfast for dinner sound?” Ben called out to her as he stood up from his bed.

“Yes please!” She shouted back, Ben hearing her rush from the living room to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're seeing some progress with our Benny Boy!
> 
> And was that Mace Windu? Yes, yes it was. We're getting more hints over what exactly happened while Ben was at school.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! Let me know your theories and thoughts! I love discussing the fic with my readers


	23. Han's Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos will be fixed through out the week.
> 
> Enjoy!

**February 20 th, 2008**

“So what do you do for fun around here?” Han asked as the two sat in the local diner located off downtown of Lucas.

Ben shrugged listlessly. “Not much…If I recall, I’m not really here to have fun.”

His father ignored the wiry remark, instead focusing on rolling the paper of his straw into a tiny ball. “Come on, humor me. What does Ben Solo do on an average Wednesday instead of sitting in a diner with his old man?”

“I…go to art class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings from eight to ten.” Ben had to leave art class early to meet his father at the house, both Kaydel and Jess nodded in understanding and promised to take any notes he might have missed for their next project.

“You like art?” Han asked enthusiastically, grasping for something in the conversation.

“Not particularly.” Ben rebuffed. “But it’s not bad…I’ve…made friends.” He might as well throw his father a bone.

“Nice.” Han congratulated; he took a long sip of his soda before asking, “What’s their names?”

“Kaydel and Jess.” Ben supplied, dropping more sugar than necessary into his coffee. He needed the sugar rush to get through this lunch.

“Girls?” Han asked with a growing grin.

Ben winced, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not like that.”

“But it could be!” His father encouraged.

“I think they’re lesbians.” Ben quickly lied—well partially lied. Jess was, but he had no idea about Kaydel. Ben was too afraid to ask, especially since they were so welcoming to him. He didn’t want to lose the few friends he had with a tactless question.

Han nodded, not pushing the subject. “And Little Reydar is doing good?”

A smile twitched on Ben’s lips. “Yeah, she has her last soccer game of the season tomorrow. We’re all going.” After dinner the previous night, Jyn and Ben stood up until midnight to finish a couple posters with the school colors and jersey number for Rey’s final game. The most exciting part was it’d be a surprise for Rey at the game, Ben, Jyn and Cassian hiding the bright posters in the hall closet until the game.

“You watch sports?” Han jested, before shaking his head good naturedly, “Ah, if Rey’s involved you’d do _anything_.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ben asked, not exactly a fan of how his father worded his remark.

“I’m just saying that kid can ask you to commit murder, and you would.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Ben denied, feeling uncomfortable with how his father addressed his and Rey’s friendship. “Plus, Rey is too nice to command murder. She cries when I swat a fly.”

“Maybe in this life she is.” Han stared at his son, as though Ben were an enigma…more so than when he left him with the Andor-Ersos. Yet the father and son were not as tense…maybe it was because they were both avoid the elephant in the room, and instead on another matter entirely. “She has you wrapped around her finger and… I don’t think you realize that.” Han finished astonished by his own revelation.

At that moment, the waitress came by depositing their food. Han smiled charmingly at the middle aged woman, thanking her sweetly for her service.

Ben rolled his eyes.

“She’s my best friend.” Ben pulled his pancakes closer to him, slowly drowning his short stack with raspberry syrup.

“Your best friend’s an eleven year old.” Han deadpanned.

“She’s _twelve_.” If Rey were there she would have thrown a fit; she was twelve and she did not want to be considered any younger.

His father paused mid-bite, bits of his omelet falling apart on the fork. “That does not make it any better.” He stuffed his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “All I’m saying is be careful…she’s now at the age where people would start _talking_.” He stared Ben down, as though trying to communicate more than just the word ‘talking’.

Ben felt his stomach twist. Was his father implying…? “No, no, no, no.” He rushed out. “She is twelve and like a sister. And that’s _disgusting_!” Ben yelped, the pancakes before him not as appetizing.

“ _I_ know that.” Han dropped his voice lower to detract attention. “ _You_ know that. _Jyn and Cass_ know that. Everyone else that sees you hanging around with her _won’t_.”

“And I should care what people think?” Ben shot back.

“Just…just do me a favor and get yourself a girlfriend.” Han asked, cutting into his omelet.

“What if I don’t want a girlfriend?” Ben asked, mostly to be difficult, but to also gage his father reaction.

“Son, I really don’t care who you date—you just need the experience so we can all have some peace of mind.” Han sighed tiredly as he reached for the hot sauce, dousing his food with the condiment. “You can't rely on a twelve year old to be your emotional foundation. She has her own growing up to do too, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han visited! He honestly tries in his own way.
> 
> On another note: This chapter ended very differently than what you see; Ben and Han originally talked about what happened with Snoke, but I've decided this fic will NOT cover that extensively. There will be moments that hint at what happened and some lines, but I feel for the overall tone of this series we don't need to know all the detail of what happened. I know what happened and it is all written out, but I simply feel it does not add to what our story is about in Spring is Sure to Follow. 
> 
> Another chapter will be posted tonight or tomorrow!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Let me know what you think; I love discussing the fic with my readers! :)


	24. Having a Type*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 2008: While waiting for their showtime, the girls try to figure out Ben's type.
> 
> March 2039: Ben and Rey discuss their daughter's boyfriend...and realize maybe she is not the one to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos will be fixed through out the week.  
> Enjoy :)  
> Edit: I did the math wrong, flash forward takes place in 2039, not 2040. Opps. Fixed it.

**February 23 rd 2008**

“Operation Find Benji a Girlfriend is a go!” Kaydel declared, slamming her empty lemonade on the table. Jess, Ben, and Rey winced at the echo on the linoleum table on the paper cup.

For a Saturday afternoon, the Vista Mall had few shoppers popping in and out of the stores. Kaydel and Jess held their threat and dragged Ben along with them to the movies, little Rey tagging along.

Ben’s new friends essentially ambushed him at home, Kaydel stating _very_ loudly they were going to see _Cloverfield_. Which then caused Rey to perk up and ask if she could go—and Ben could not say no when Rey batted her big hazel eyes at him.

Maybe his father had a point about being wrapped around Rey’s finger.

The drive to the movie theatre took a little over a half an hour, Kaydel blasting Paramore’s Misery Business the entire drive. Surprisingly, Kaydel declared Rey as her co-pilot, Ben forced to squish in the backseat with Jess.

Yet their movie didn’t start for another half hour, which left the four to wander the connecting mall until their show time.

“Now what’s your type?” Jess asked, flipping her sketch book to a clean page. Painstakingly, she began to doodle a cartoonish version of Ben—his ears a little bigger than he’d like. “Do you like blondes, brunettes, redheads? I dig a nice redhead.” She wrote ‘Benji’s Type’ at the top of the page.

Ben swallowed, all three girls gawking at him as they waited for an answer. Even Rey stared up at him curiously, a teasing grin tempting to burst from her. He’d never put much thought to the matter, like girls and having types or celebrity crushes. Growing up, Ben had always been intensly focused on his grades and getting into a good university. He needed to achieve to gain his mother’s approval and his father’s attention—he realized now, sitting in front of three girls who all genuinely wanted him to be happy, he missed out on being a teenager and everything that came along with the age.

He looked at the three; Rey had brunette hair, Kaydel…blonde (Ben honestly could not tell with her dyed streaks of color in her locks), and Jess had jet black hair…almost a midnight blue under the hanging florescent lights.

“Uh, brunette… I guess?” He stated, the girls nodding and humming in thought. Jess noted his preference, while Kaydel rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

“Now how about eye color?” Kaydel asked next.

“Hazel,” Ben answered immediately, before shaking his head. “Uh...no. I take it back—um, brown?”

“You can have more than one eye color preference, Ben.” Jess assured him with a chuckle.

“Cool, cool.” He wiped his palms on his dark jeans, suddenly nervous in their presense.

“Tall or short?” Jess asked.

“On the shorter side…?” Both Jess and Kaydel hummed, eyes narrowed on him. “Taller side…?” He tried again, neither girl relenting on their gaze. “Someone with a pulse?” He bit out sarcastically, Rey giggling at the remark.

At least someone found this amusing.

Kaydel rolled her eyes dramatically. “Don’t sell yourself short Benji—you’re a catch under all the self-loathing and dark hoodies.”

“Yup,” Jess agreed, adding a frown on her sketch of Ben. “I’d date you if I liked dudes.”

“Thanks.” He replied dryly. He shoved his hair out of his face; his once cropped hair had grown longer, brushing over the top of his eyes. By now his mother would have insisted on a haircut, and Ben thought about it…until Jyn told him the longer hair suited him. Then Cassian told him he looked older with the longer hair. And Rey liked to braid his hair too…So he decided to keep it longer for everyone else’s benefit. “Honestly…I don’t even understand how people have types.” He shrugged, sipping his water downed lemonade.

“Easy,” Kaydel declared. “My type is Latino dudes. I love it when they speak Spanish. The last three guys I’ve dated have all been of Latin descent. Therefore, my type.”

“You’ve dated three guys?” Rey asked, Jess and Kaydel looking back at her in surprise. They’d been so consumed with their conversation, they forgot Rey was their audience. 

“Nope, eleven if you count that one guy who I suc—” Jess shook her head, coughing loudly. Ben’s eyes widen, his hands flying up to earmuff Rey’s virgin ears.

“Kay!” Ben chastised.

The young woman’s hand slapped over her mouth. “Forget I said anything!” She exclaimed.

Sighing, Ben dropped his hands.

“You know that does nothing, right? I can still hear.” Rey informed Ben.

“Just for my sake, act like you didn’t.”

“Okay,” Rey shrugged. She took a large bit of her pretzel, chewing thoughtfully. “You should go for taller girls, because you’re really tall, Ben.” Rey stated primly, continuing to eat the pretzel that was almost as big as her head.

“The girl has spoken,” Jess commented, writing ‘tall girls’ next to ‘brunette’ in her sketch book. “What else do you think Ben would like, Rey?”

The girl’s eyebrows creased, “I guess she has to be smart…but not smart in the same way Ben is smart because he can be pretty dumb.”

“Hey,” Ben mumbled, nudging Rey’s arm with his elbow. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“She is speaking truth, let her continue.” Kaydel shushed him, turning her attention to Rey. “What else?”

“Nice.” She finished after some silence, the two older girls waiting paitently for her to decide. “She needs to be nice to all of us.”

“I like that,” Kaydel announced, before she leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially to Rey. “Not that I think Benji would ever date anyone you didn’t like.”

Ben’s lips quirked; while Kaydel’s statement was true, his conversation with his father still lingered in the back of his mind. Did he rely too much on his friendship with Rey?

“Hey Rey!” A voice shouted from across the food court. The four turned their heads at the sound; Ben frowned when he saw a younger boy around Rey’s age waved to her.

The girl waved back, though less enthusiastically than the boy. Not catching her subtle deflection, the kid moved to their table while his older sister remained in line at the _Pretzel Wetzel_.

“Hey,” He repeated shyly, while Rey stared back at him unfazed. “What are you doing here?”

“Going to the movies.” Kaydel snickered behind her hand at Rey’s response. "With my..." Her eyes darted around the table, unsure of how to describe their odd bunch. "...Friends."

“Oh, cool.” He smiled, his eyes drifting from Rey to the other faces at the table. “Yeah, my sister dragged me along to go shopping with her.” 

Rey nodded, clearly confused why the boy was still talking to her. Kaydel and Jess shared a look across the table at the exchange.

Meanwhile, Ben could not help but feel wary of this kid.

“Matt, let’s go!” The boy’s sister called out, he shrugging sheepishly to the four.

“I guess…I guess I should get going. It was _really_ nice seeing you, Rey.”

She mumbled a ‘bye’ back, not smiling to him. In fact, she seemed to frowning deeper at his compliment.

The boy ran off, helping his sister with their snacks before leaving from their sight all together.

“Ooo, Rey has gentlemen callers!” Kaydel joked, Jess chuckling along.

Rey groaned, crumpling her napkin at their teasing. Her face scrunched up in distaste. “I don’t like him. He likes _me_ , and I hate it.”

“Awe, Rey it’s cute.” Jess assured her, she glanced at Ben. “Right Benji, it’s cute how the kid likes her?”

“Yeah, cute.” He agreed halfheartedly, as Kaydel continued to tease the sour faced twelve year old. “Just don’t go around dating anyone, Cassian might kill them.”

Rey giggled at the mental image, Ben cracking a smile once more.

* * *

 

**March 31 st 2039**

“He’s…older than I imagined.” Ben concluded.

From the kitchen they watched as Emery officially introduced her boyfriend, Peter, to the rest of the family. The twins, Flynn and Levi, already embarressed the poor man with some mildly ill timed jokes, courtesy of Han’s goading over the years. While mid-handshake Luke asked about the man’s preferred religion, and Chewie hugged him as though he were a babe.

Practically family; the thought sent a sour twist in Ben's stomach. 

“It’s only a five year age difference.” His wife commented, rinsing the cherry tomatoes under the faucet. “If I recall correctly, we have a seven year age difference…and your parents have a ten, and Padme and Anakin had four. It’s just how you Skywalkers work.” Rey rubbed a soothing hand on her husband’s arm. “I wasn’t surprised when I did the math.”

“I would have liked to have met him sooner, than with everyone else.” Ben admitted quietly, “She’s never brought a boyfriend home for everyone to meet.”

“Well, maybe because her father is a six-foot-four, over protective giant.” Rey dumped the tomatoes into the salad.

Ben rolled his eyes. “I mean, I get it…but…isn’t she young to be serious—”

“You will not finish that sentence,” Rey scolded, staring up at her husband. “You are many things Ben, but you _cannot_ be a hypocrite. Especially about who your daughter dates.” Ben made a noise of disagreement; he was Emery’s father—he had every right to not necessarily like who she dates. It was almost a right of passage of being a fully-fledged father. Yet at Rey’s stern gaze, he resorted to silence. “Remember, you already had an engagement ring for me when I was _nineteen_. She’s twenty, almost twenty-one—I think she is fine.”

“Hey, Auntie Rey,” The couple halted their conversation when their honorary nephew, Jace Dameron, entered the kitchen area. “Uncle Ben, do you need any help in the kitchen?”

“Not in the kitchen, but Chewie forgot to bring the drinks again.” Rey answered, her eyes roving over the kitchen counter for anything else out of place. Their Easter weekend gathering was in full swing, until the weather decided to work against them once again, and rain the entire weekend. Unfortunately for Rey and Ben, they picked the short straw _again_ ; they were designated to host another holiday. Ben swore up and down his mother was rigging the picking process (it really was just throwing their names into a hat and picking because their family did not know how to be _normal_ for once), since this was the fifth holiday in a row they had to host. “You can also pick up some chips from the super market too. I have a feeling Flynn is going to eat them all again if we don’t have back up chips.”

“Got it,” Jace nodded, his mop of curly hair bouncing. “I’ll be back in a few then.” He left the kitchen, passing by Addie on his way out. “Hey Adds, I’m going to the store, want to tag along?” He called out as a friendly suggestion, his pure Dameron charm and smile on display.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben watched as his youngest daughter froze. Her eyes wide in panic before she turned back to Jace, trying to appear calm. “Sure, I’d love to tag along. Tag you’re it.” She patted is arm as thought to tag the young man, Jace frowning at the odd joke.

From behind the counter, Ben and Rey cringed.

Then Jace smiled again breaking the weird tension easily; the nineteen year old was well versed in the occasional strangeness and dorkiness of Addie. After all, they practically grew up together, Addie toddling after Jace from the moment she knew how walk.

Of course, their daughter had to ruin it by smiling a little _too_ big back. Yet Jace did not seem bothered by her reaction... in fact he seemed a little brighter. “Okay, cool.” Jace led the way out, calling out a quick goodbye to the rest of the house, Addie echoing his sentiment half a second later.

Ben sighed, unable to ignore how awkward Addie was with Jace. “You don’t think—”

“Oh, definitely.” Rey smirked, tossing the salad. “You Skywalker’s are all the same.”

“Damn it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning is just some fun, making Ben Solo feel awkward, haha.
> 
> Yup, Poe and Kaydel have a son named Jace, who is a little under a year younger than Emery and about three years older than Addie… and maybe history is repeating itself once again ;) Not going to lie, I love Addie and Jace...like they might play a major role in the squeal fic to Trusting December. 
> 
> Also, picking Star Wars-like names is difficult. I spent some time thinking up Jace (which I totally just stole from Jacen Solo in EU because it sounded the best with Addie's name. Sorry, I got lazy). Then I picked 'Peter' because Star Wars is also weird where they include somewhat short normal names too, like 'Ben'. Which 'Peter' is biblical and Emery means 'ruler' (actually both Emery and Addie's names refer to nobility/ruler). Keeping the ideas of repeating Ben and Rey (which Ben's is biblical and Rey's means 'king/queen') in their children since Star Wars is all about that.
> 
> Let me know what you think; comments and kudos are always appreciated! :D


	25. A Preview for the Possible Sequel To Trusting December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a true chapter of this fic, but something I'm playing with for a possible sequel to Trusting December. If I decide to do it, it won't be until my fic 'Of Penmanship and Discourse is finished, and I am couple more chapters into 'thou and I are much to wise to woo peaceable'. But definitely on the table.  
> PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK.
> 
> Enjoy!

**December 22 nd 2040**

“I still don’t like him.” Ben murmured to his wife, watching as Peter—their eldest daughter's boyfriend—helped the rest of the family decorate the Christmas tree.

After hosting Christmas one too many times, Ben and Rey decided to suggest having Christmas at Han and Leia’s beach house. Surprisingly, the decision was unanimous, most of the family prepared to have a little vacation included in their Christmas holiday. Finn and Rose needed a break from city life in Seattle and the twins were entering their final year of university; a family gathering was exactly what they needed. Luke, of course, jumped at the opportunity—he loved it when everyone gathered for the holidays, especially since he often went on his own adventures during the rest of the year.

Ben just did not expect Emery to bring her boyfriend along.

Rey rolled her eyes when he admitted this—“They've been dating for over a year, Ben. It would be odd if she _didn’t_.”

There was nothing _wrong_ with Peter per say—likeable man, with a stable job, and treated his daughter right. He kind of had a bit of a baby face and a lost puppy dog look to him when Emery wasn’t around, but overall a decent guy…

But there had to be _something_ wrong with him if he willingly subjected himself to their family.

“…I know you are thinking the same thing, even if you don’t want to say it.”

Rey locked her jaw, momentarily stern. Then she exhaled unable to hide her true thoughts from Ben.

“Well, yes. It’s not like we are a very easy family to get along with.” She spoke up for once about Peter; she’d been noticeably tight-lip on the matter. Mostly for Emery’s sake…because unfortunately, both Ben and Addie were terrible at keeping their weariness of Peter to themselves.

 

 

“Like does he have a disease or a hidden wife? Oh my god, what if he’s a _real-life_ Rochester?” Addie agonized to her parents on the drive to pick up the Damerons. The two families decided to carpool to the beach house together, as there would only be six of them in total. “I cannot let my sister date a Rochester!”

“Hey, I thought you loved Rochester?” Rey cried out, looking at her daughter over her shoulder. Similar to herself, Addie adored _Jane Eyre,_ though recently it seemed the girl grew restless with the novel.

“Yes,” Addie huffed, leaning over the middle consul to speak to her parents. “I love Rochester as a complex male character, who learns from his downfalls and idiotic mistakes.” Rey inhaled sharply, feeling her daughter’s incoming objection. “But, I would never want to date anyone like Rochester or Emery be with a Rochester.”

Rey remained silent, staring out the window defiantly.

“I think you broke your mom, Adds.” Ben said as he switched on his blinker as they came closer to the Dameron’s street. “She loves, I mean loves _Jane Eyre_.”

The girl had the decency to wince and pat her mother’s shoulder sympathetically. “Sorry, mom.” She squinted at Rey. “Please tell me your ideal man wasn’t Rochester.”

“No, of course not,” Rey answered as she leaned over and tucked Ben’s hair behind his ear. “My ideal man was your father.”

Even at the age of fifty-three, Ben Solo blushed at Rey Solo’s compliments.

Addie kind of found her parents relationship endearing, yet gross. They were affectionate, but not over board with the public displays of affection. Anyone with eyes could see their love went deeper than marriage—they were best friends before they were involved romantically, and practically grew up together. If Addie believed in fate, she’d go as far and say her parents were soulmates.

“How…how did you two end up dating?” Addie wondered, falling back into her seat as she eyed her parents determinedly.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Ben slowly brought the car to a stop in front of the Dameron house.

“I mean, I know you guys grew up together and were friends. But no one seems to talk about when you two dated, or even your proposal, Papa.”

The couple in the front seats paused. Uncomfortable with their sudden silence, Addie began to ramble.

“Did you guys have a shot gun wedding? Is Emery a bastard child? Am I the only legitimate child?” She asked in quick succession, “Because if she is a bastard child that means I can call her ‘back stabbing bastard’ every time she steals my clothes, and actually have some _truth_ in the statement.”

“No, your sister is not a bastard child, Addie.” Ben scolded, Rey smiling lightly at her daughter’s thoughts. Though his wife seemed a little on edge at the comment; he didn’t blame her.

Addie was their… _unique_ child. Enthusiastic, yet introverted. Poor social skills—she was extremely blunt, but evidently caring to others. She preferred to stay at home and read, rather than go out with friends. The few friends she did have were older and attending university. She spent too much time on the internet, and would spout off random facts within good context. She achieved high grades and found herself ahead in her studies to graduate a year early from high school.

On paper, she was a parent’s dream…until she wasn’t. Rey and Ben feared she’d never go out and live her life; she immediately attended university, a nice private college an hour commute away. Not to mention, Jace Dameron attended the same university and was able to keep an eye on her. Addie lived on campus, but came home every weekend. When telling her she didn’t need to come home on the weekends, the poor girl seemed at a loss at the thought.

 

“But why would I stay on campus when I can just go home?”

“So you can hang out with your friends.” Rey explained as she helped Addie fold her laundry one afternoon. “Or maybe go to campus activities…?”

“They all have the same people. I only went to Yavin because they have a great screenwriting program. Not to make friends, mom.” She shook out her favorite blanket, folding the fabric delicately over her arm. “Plus, why would I need friends when I have you and Papa?”

 

Rey was a little concerned their daughter relied too much on her and Ben to be her friends rather than her parents. Which they loved being close to Addie, but she needed to spread her wings. Make friends her own age, go to parties (clean parties, because Addie found drunkenness unproductive), have a boyfriend.

 

Rey rolled down the window when she saw Kaydel and Poe exit their home, Jace only a few paces behind.

“The beautiful Solo family!” Kaydel Dameron cheered from her doorstep, dragging along her small suitcase. “My favorite people!”

“By default because we’re the only people who can tolerate you for more than hour.” Ben called out as he stepped out of the car to help arrange the bags in the back compartment. Once within reach, Poe clapped Ben on the back, the two sharing nods of comradery.

Jogging down the pathway, Jace stopped by the backseat door as he waited to hand off his duffle to Ben. Leaning towards the tinted window, he quickly stuck out his tounge out to Addie.

The young woman giggled, tried her best to muffle her snicker. This did not go unnoticed by Rey, a growing smile on her face the longer she watched Jace and Addie make faces to each other. 

Maybe they'd be able to do something about Addie after all.

* * *

 

**December 3 rd 2023**

“The baby looks squishy.” Jace said as he stared at the baby in Auntie Rey’s arms.

Jace loved going to Auntie Rey and Uncle Ben’s house; they treated him like a big boy there rather than a baby.

“Well, yes. She’s only a couple of months old.” Rey allowed the toddler to crowd closer to get a better look at Addie. “She’s going to need you and Emery looking after her.”

“What about Flynn and Levi?” The two looked over to the arguing four year olds, Flynn effectively shoving Levi off his little tike bike.

“I think the twins need to look after each other.” Rey concluded with a joking smile. Jace nodded in agreement, his dark, moppy curls bouncing around.

“I’ll take care of her forever.” He declared, Addie gurgling in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you think right. Addie doesn't know she is adopted. Eeeek. Come on Rey and Ben--get it together. Which is true for this fic as well, and if I made her aware anywhere, I'll go back and fix it.
> 
> Roughly the main idea of this fic would be Ben and Rey older with their adult daughters we have grown to love, and a family Christmas like Trusting December. Only Rey will try to push Addie together with Jace, and Ben trying to prevent Peter from becoming a permanent member of their family. Only to realize maybe one of their girls is too much like them. History once again repeating itself in an odd way. Plus the riduculous Skywalker family and Poe Dameron finally getting some of the spotlight he deserves.This is all slightly subject to change.
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know what you think! Like seriously, would anyone read this?


	26. The First Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go!
> 
> Typos will be fixed later :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**March 1 st 2008**

“…And then the cops came and told us to shut down our peaceful protest as though it were hindering the public! We were merely asking for a simple commodity in the women’s restrooms.” Ellie, their Uncle Lando’s very expressive and passionate girlfriend shook her head pitifully, before continuing her story with just as much gusto.

She’d be going on for the last ten minutes, initially claiming it was a quick story.

Everyone at the table knew there was no such thing as a ‘quick story’ with Ellie. If she had the option, she’d go on and on until her voice gave out. Unfortunately, it seemed Jyn and Cassian were doing just that, nodding and smiling along.

Ben sighed quietly, his eyes drifting to his equally bored friend beside him. The sweet girl tried to remain interested in Ellie’s storytelling, _she really did_ , but she did not know Ellie in the same capacity as her parents or Ben. If fact, she did not know Ellie at all. The two met for the first time that morning, Lando and Ellie broken up when the Andor-Ersos adopted Rey.

Lando and Ellie were…an interesting pair. Off and on for years, then breaking up _for good_ about six years back. Until recently reconnecting. Which was fine; Ben knew Ellie was his Uncle Lando’s lifelong love. There was no denying it, especially when Lando gazed at her as through she hung the sun in the sky.

He just did not expect them to visit when word got out about his incident.

Lando assured Ben he’d been planning on visiting Jyn and Cassian for some time, Ben the ‘delightful surprise’ in the package. He seemed to constantly be the ‘delightful surprise’ in this ragtag family.

The couple’s visit was rather uneventful, mostly the adults catching up while Rey and Ben sat awkwardly to the side, chiming in whenever prompted. Neither were allowed to hide in their rooms, or go off to the kitchen, forced to sit patiently through adult talk. Conversations consisted of how much both Rey and Ben had grown, everyone’s respective jobs, the town…at that point Ben zoned out. Rey had to nudge him a few times to pay attention, both inwardly cringing whoever Ellie gushed over them like they were her own children.

Such as then, during dinner at the little Italian restaurant in downtown Lucas, a smaller foot kicking Ben’s shin sharply. He winced, biting hard on his upper lip. _Goddamn those soccer skills._

“Ben, I’m curious,” Ellie turned to him with bright eyes. “You’re a full-fledged adult now. What is your political stand point—”

“I’m not invested in politics Ellie.” Ben interrupted, feeling the heat of her stern eyes. He probably shouldn’t have interrupted her, knowing how she’d rant about the patriarchy from this incident, but politics were off the table in the Andor-Erso household.

“What? How is the great Leia Organa’s son not interested in politics?” She said, baffled by his response. “Does she know this?”

“My mother doesn’t know a lot of things.” Ben answered briskly, dropping his gaze down to the remaining tomato sauce on his plate. “She doesn’t really care…about me.” He shrugged a shoulder, knowing he spoke ill of his mother to some of her closest friends. He should have felt ashamed, but she canceled again for the upcoming weekend and he was bitter.

Silence fell over the table, no one sure how to change the subject. Clatter and shuffling of plates in the background caused the tension to rise, everyone area of how public they were.

“Mum, I want dessert.” Rey spoke up, lifting the menus from the middle of the table. Ben gave a small smile for her efforts; Rey would always be on his side.

“Dessert sounds fabulous Rey of sunshine!” Lando declared clapping his hands together. “In fact, I preordered all of us Tiramisu.” He waved the closest waiter over, the two speaking in hushed tones for moment. The waiter nodded, leaving to the kitchen. “And the dinner is taken care of.” Lando said grandly, Ben suppressing an eye roll at the theatrics. “Think of it as a ‘thank you’ for being one of my kindest friends.”

No one argued with his statement, the four picking up a conversation about different tiramisu they’ve tried.

Poking Rey’s shoulder, he caught Rey’s attention. “Thanks,” He said quietly, Rey beaming up at him without hesitation.

“Of course, you’re my best friend—”

A loud gasp from Ellie caused the two to turn back to her. She held a bright, diamond ring between her chocolate and frosting covered fingers. “Is this what I think it is?” Ellie asked Lando, their honorary Uncle nodding with tears in his eyes. “Oh, of course I will!”

* * *

 

“I mean, is it wise they are getting married so soon after getting back together?” Jyn mused on their car ride back home.

“I don’t know,” Cassin shrugged, as they turned on to the long stretch of Academy Avenue. “I mean yes, it is fast. But they were together for years, maybe they go tired of the whirlwind romance and decided to settle down.” He reasoned, sharing a silent look with Jyn. His eyes turned back to the road. “Maybe they want to kids.”

“Maybe.” Jyn murmured, looking up into the rearview mirror, making eye contact with Ben. A tiredly smile formed on her lips, followed by a sigh. “You did…alright Ben. Didn’t need to mention your mother, but I understand the hostility.”

Ben leaned back in his seat, the seatbelt digging into his neck. “Okay.” He breathed. He turned his head to the side, watching the fields whip by as Cassian drove a little over the speed limit.

Nothing more was said on the matter.

The drive down Academy was long and dark, Cassian turning on his blinker after ten minutes of driving the country road.

“I didn’t like how Uncle Lando proposed.” Rey said, her eyebrows scrunched in thought. “I thought it was cheesy and kind of lame.” She admitted to her family, surprising the occupants of the car. She’d been silent since they left the restaurant, thinking she’d fallen asleep.

“Well, Lando can be cheesy, I guess, especially around Ellie.” Jyn said, looking at Rey over her shoulder. She smirked at her daughter. “How would you like to be proposed to? Not with dessert?” Rey’s face turned sour, Jyn chucking at her reaction.

“No. Anything, but dessert.”

* * *

 

**May 5 th 2018**

Ben blinked as the memory of a twelve year old Rey, declaring she’d didn’t want to be proposed to by dessert, suddenly came to the forefront of his mind.

 _Thank God_ because he was about to do just that.

After a year of holding out and waiting for the perfect opportunity, dinner after receiving his Master’s Degree seemed to be the perfect opportunity. They would both be happy, she wasn’t going up north to visit family until mid-July; they’d have enough time to figure everything out with their families. Finally tell them he and Rey were in a relationship, and were going to get married. Enough time to let everything settle.

But he _had_ to remember Rey out right saying she thought dessert proposals were lame.

Seeing her hand reach for cannoli nearest to her, the one with the ring tuck safely in the folds, Ben snatched the dessert.

“Hey!” She cried out, lightly swatting his hand. “I was about to eat that.” Leaning forward, she tried to take the cannoli back. He moved his hand out of arms reach, Rey pouting in frustration. “Fine, be that way.” She rolled her eyes, picking up the other cannoli. With each chomp, she sent a heated glare his way. He knew it was all in jest but, Rey could be scary without realizing.

“I just…really like cannolis.” Ben stated dumbly, taking a tiny bite from the dessert. He didn’t want to accidentally have the ring fall out on to the table. “I didn’t realize you were going for that one in particular.”

Rey rose an eyebrow. “Okay weirdo.” Humming happily, she continued to eat her cannoli, none the wiser.

Ben relaxed, discreetly pocketing the ring. He’d try again at another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellie is L3 from Solo: A Star Wars Story. And we got some Uncle Lando!
> 
> This is merely the beginning of poor Ben's several attempts to propose. 
> 
> Also thank you for the feedback from the previous chapter :) I am planning on doing a sequel, but it will be a little less than half the length of Trusting December and I won't start posting it until late October/early Novemeber for the Christmas season. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated; I love discussing the fic with my readers :)


	27. Crushes*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crushes are pesky and annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever, but I needed a break from some angst I'm writing and thought some awesome Dad!Cassian was needed!
> 
> Typos will be fixed throughout the week!
> 
> Enjoy!

**March 5 th 2008**

“And she asked you on the date?” Jyn smirked as she and Ben washed the dishes after dinner.

“Uh, yeah it was really random. She just kind of came up to me after class and asked me out.” Ben shrugged, “I honestly think Kay and Jess paid her to do it….”

“Now, don’t say that,” Jyn hushed, patting his arm. “You have a date tomorrow, that’s all that matters.”

From the breakfast nook, Cassian piled a scoop cookie dough ice cream in a bowl for Rey. They were the only two up for dessert, he believing it best to pull out his daughter’s favorite from the freezer.

Pursing her lips, she shoved the spoon into the bowl with a mumbled ‘ _thank you’_. She hoped off the chair with her ice cream and left the kitchen soundlessly.

Sadly, Cassian watched Rey go, feeling a twinge of pity for her.

First crushes were… _rough_.

He noticed the little signs.

Constantly following Ben, talking about Ben all the time, smiling non-stop whenever Ben was in the room, the blatant _staring_.

Rey liked Ben.

Rey’s first crush was her best friend….and seven years older.

Cassian had never felt so hopeless…because he could not do the typical fatherly tactic. Tell his daughter the guy she liked was an idiot, or didn’t deserve her, or was an awful person.

Because Ben was none of that—he was considerate, thoughtful, and understanding. His godson was simply too old, and Rey too young for there to ever be anything right now. In his books, if Rey were older, Ben would be perfect for her.

Putting the ice cream back in the freezer, and picking up his own full bowl, Cassian followed Rey into the living room.

“Mija, why don’t you and I go have our ice cream out back,” Cassian called out to Rey, heading towards the sliding door. The weather wasn’t too bad, already warming up for the spring. Not to mention the stars were starting to become prominent now that the winter fog had made its final appearance in early February. Not to mention it would be a few walls away from Jyn and Ben, who were still talking about his impending date.

In the corner of the couch, Rey extracted herself from her side and brought her ice cream along with her. Cassian led Rey out, the motion sensor lights turning on a few seconds later. The father and daughter shuffled to the bench swing on the patio. Silently, the two ate their ice cream as Cassian gently rocked the swing back and forth. While Rey’s legs were now long enough to touch the floor and control the speed of swinging, the twelve year old opted to sit with her legs crossed under her.

“Is it bad that I don’t want Ben to have girlfriend?” Rey asked quietly.

“No,” Cassian answered honestly, “because it is scary when you think everything is going to change. Which it isn’t, and no one said Ben’s going to have girlfriend.” He patted his daughter’s knee reassuringly. “It’s just a date.”

She didn’t respond back, shoving a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

“Rey,” he began, catching his daughter’s attention. Rarely did he call her ‘Rey’, always _mija._ “It is okay to have a crush on Ben.”

“I don’t—”she stopped her protest at her father’s knowing look. Slumping down, she aggressively stabbed her melting ice cream. “I hate being twelve,” she grumbled.

“There is nothing wrong with being twelve,” Cassian chuckled, “and its _okay_ to have crushes. Even on Ben.”

“But he’ll always see me as a pest, some kid he was forced to spend time with,” she muttered pitifully.

“Now I highly doubt that,” he told her, setting his empty bowl on the floor. “Ben sees you as his _best_ _friend_. I don’t think having a crush on him should change that.”

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.” Her gaze fell to the floor, her face flushing by her neck.

Wrapping an arm around her, Cassian pulled Rey to his side, “Mija, I want to say it gets better, but sometimes crushes hurt. A lot. That’s why they are called ‘ _crushes’_ ,” she stifled a laugh into his chest. Maybe she wasn’t entirely lost. “But they do fade away over time. Then you’ll like someone else, and they cycle will repeat until you are thirty—”

“Papa!” Rey’s giggle morphed into a groan.

“You will not get married until you are at least thirty, when your mother and I are ready to be grandparents,” Cassian teased, squeezing Rey’s shoulder. “And no matter what, you don’t need a _boy’s_ love to be happy.”

She nodded, a small smile forming.

“Hey, Rey,” Ben’s voice came from the sliding door, “I’m going to put on _The_ _Goonies_ , if you want to watch it with me!”

The young man’s offer caused Rey to perk up. Sending her father an apologetic glance, Rey picked up her empty ice cream bowl.

She winced, standing up from the bench. “I going to—”

“Go ahead,” he waved her off. “But remember what I told you.”

Watching her hurry to greet Ben with a brilliant grin, Cassian could not shake the feeling that maybe Rey’s little crush would not fade over time.

* * *

 

**December 23 rd 2037**

Cassian noticed the signs.

Awkward conversations. The following with the eyes. Stuttering. Long staring, and quickly looking away when she thought no one was looking.

His sweet, social awkward granddaughter had a crush.

On Jace Dameron, one of the most oblivious young men he ever had the privilege to see grow up. Besides Ben, of course. Ben still took the cake after all these years.

However, the Dameron boy seemed to have a flare of his own. He brought his girlfriend, Kiraa, over to meet the rest of the family on their three day long Christmas gathering. While a nice girl, she seemed a bit lost on their family dynamics, surprised the majority of the people gathered in the room had no blood relation to Jace. Yet he called them his aunts, uncles, and grandparents as though they were his own.

Then Kiraa meet Addie and Emery; things went downhill— _fast_. Emery decided to practically interrogate the girl, appearing far to similar to an overprotective Rey in her younger years. It was almost like going a few years back in time,  watching Emery scrutinize the girl with a refined skill one could only inherit. Meanwhile, Addie seemed to want the floor to eat her up, freezing every time Kiraa attempted a conversation with her. Which was more often than not since Emery decided to play bad cop in this little situation.

To avoid further conversation, Addie camped herself in the furthest corner of the living room with a book. The universal sign to leave her alone because everyone was becoming a little too much for her. Going to her room was not an option when it came to family gatherings and holidays, the poor introverted girl forced to work through it.

From across the room, Cassian noticed his granddaughter silently pine over Jace.

Standing up slowly, Cassian shuffled along to sit beside her on the love seat.

“I never thought you’d be the one interested in Jace. Always thought it be Emery,” he commented, his voice low enough for only their ears.

Addie tensed, eyes scanning the partially empty room; Chewie sat on the other couch, snoring softly. Most of the other guests traveled to the dining area to help with decorating cookies. Cassian had been engrossed in his own book as well, deciding to sit this activity out.

Her dark brown eyes flickered back to Cassian. Huffing, she set her book aside and fully faced him.

“I don’t like it, and I want it to be over,” she declared astutely. “Crushes are stupid, abuelo. They are simply a reaction due to puberty and hormones.”

Cassian hummed in agreement, knowing Addie to take the more logical approach on matters when upset. “I see…”

“And its not as though I _really_ like him,” she continued, tucking a loose curl behind her hair. “I don’t care if he has a nice laugh, or if he’s smart when he wants to be, or—” Cassian sent her a knowing look. She slumped back into the sofa cushions. “Who am I kidding…” she grumbled, “I like him but…”

“You don’t think he likes you?” he offered, Addie nodding in agreement. “Well I think that’s stupid. Jace certainly does care for you, and likes you. Maybe not in the way you want, but I don’t think you should let that get in the way of the friendship you two have.”

Addie blinked owlishly at her grandfather, not expecting him to be blunt on the matter. “But…”

“But what?”

She squinted at Cassian, “Nothing I guess….I just thought you’d give better advice than sitting in the friend-zone.”

“Sitting in the friend-zone is waiting for him to notice you or simply writing yourself off. What I am saying is to still be invested in your current relationship with him because right now you are meant to be friends, but who knows in the future…” he trailed off, with a shrug, “I mean, look at your parents. Knew each other a long time before anything happened.”

“They also had a seven year age difference,” Addie reminded him, standing up from her spot. “I’m going to get cookies.”

She huffed off, not entirely happy with her grandfather’s advice. Despite this, she was still planning on bring him a cookie or two.

Cassian watched as Addie entered the dinning area, the large archway allowing him to see into the room. She brushed past Jace with little trouble, barely noticing him on her hunt for presumably snickerdoodle cookies.

However, the boy spotted her the moment she came into his orbit. His eyes never left her form as she traveled  further into the room. Gradually, the Dameron charm shed away to reveal a boy gazing longingly at a girl…maybe a girl he believed far too good for him.

Cassian sighed as he continued to observe the boy and his granddaughter trapped in the background. Jace was far more than a pesky crush, and Addie was far too dense— _too much like Rey and Ben_ —to notice.

God, he was too old for this.


	28. First Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Dates aren't always great...until they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of Depression and suicide in first half of chapter.

**March 6 th 2008**

“The movie was fun…I, uh didn’t expect you to pick a romantic movie,” Tiffany mumbled as they made their way to the center of the outdoor mall where Jyn said she’d pick up Ben.

He might have a door and a car to use for emergency purposes, but he still needed to be picked up by his godmother. While most young adults would find the condition infuriating, Ben found it to be a saving grace. A specific pick-up time gave Ben an out and no pressure to continue the date or worse, feel the pressure to ‘hook-up’ with a girl he hardly knew because that’s what nineteen year olds were apparently supposed to do.

“I wouldn’t call _Definitely, Maybe_ a romantic movie,” Ben shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “More of a late coming-of-age tale especially since it concerns how he became who he is through three relationships through his young adult life.”

Tiffany blinked owlishly at him, “It ended with a kiss—it’s a romance,” she rolled her eyes, “I thought someone like you would have picked _Vantage Point_ or something?”

Ben rubbed his neck, “‘Someone like me?’” Awkwardly he crossed his arms over his chest. He glanced over his shoulder; where the hell was Jyn?

Tiffany scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder, “Yeah— _edgy kid’s_ usually like thrillers or some shit. Not some boring romantic movie.”

“I..” Ben winced, “I’m not an ‘edgy kid’—”

“Yeah you are, you have this ‘tortured soul, my life is awful, someone _kill me_ vibe—’”

“Uh-don’t—don’t joke about _killing_ ,” Ben stressed harshly, though Tiffany didn’t seem to noticed him begin to panic at her words.

“I’m not joking, I’m just saying when you give off an ‘emo’ vibe you should at least follow—”

“It’s not called a vibe or a look, its called fucking _depression_ ,” Ben seethed, interrupting Tiffany’s next words. “And I have it, and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t make remarks like that."

She snapped her mouth shut, holding her hands up and out in defense.

“O-K,” she stated slowly, “Knowing _that_ ,” she dropped her hands to her side and took a good step back, “I think this date is over. Bye, Benjamin.”

With those parting words, she turned on her heel and marched through the parking lot to her car.

Groaning, Ben plopped himself down on the nearest bench. Frustrated tears began to pool in his eyes, him wiping at them hastily, avoiding all eye contact with anyone passing by.

A couple minutes passed, when he felt his cell phone vibrate. Looking up, he found Jyn waving by the loading zone, phone in her hand. Quickly, he walked to the car, eye glued to the ground. Opening and shutting the door with little greeting, Ben buckled himself into the seat.

“How was the date?” Jyn questioned calmly after a few minutes on the road. She fiddled with the radio, lowering the volume of Kelly Clarkson.

Ben sat up straighter, arms crossed over his chest.

“The movie was good,” Ben mumbled, picking at the skin around his nails. “I might buy it when it comes out on DVD.”

“And the _date_?” Jyn tried again, turning on her blinker.

He sunk in his seat, “Terrible.”

Jyn cringed, making a left into the downtown strip. “How so?”

He felt himself hunching in, but held his head high, “She…she wasn’t very nice,” he shook his head. Ben knew he could describe Tiffany better than ‘not being nice’ but his stupid, post near panic attack brain decided to only come up with the vaguest explanation. “She…she didn’t really eat on our date, then didn’t like the movie, and then spoke kind of ignorantly about suicide—”

“ _What_?” Jyn exclaimed.

Immediately, she pulled over at the nearest curb, right outside of some salon on downtown.

She turned back to Ben, staring him dead in the eye. “Ben, you need to tell me what she said.”

He sighed, leaning against the door, “She was just saying how I give off a ‘please kill me vibe’ and that I look emo, and—and I don’t know, I think I am thinking too much into it—it was probably nothing, Jyn.”

“It’s not nothing, if it is bothering you, Ben.” His godmother continued to stare at him, Ben squirming under her gaze. Releasing a sigh, she looked away, leaning back against her seat.

“I…I just…do I really look depressed? Is it visible?” Ben found himself asking, his voice cracking. “Be—because I thought I was doing better—Aunt Jyn am I not doing better?”

He felt his hands begin to shake. Only to stop a moment later, his left hand cover by Jyn’s right.

“You _are_ doing better, Ben,” she assured him with a fierceness only a devoted mother and friend would possess. Her blue eyes pooled for a moment, before becoming clear again. “You are doing so much better, and I wouldn’t believe what some _girl_ says because she doesn’t know you,” she smiled sadly, the edge of her lip down turning, “She doesn’t know how wonderful and brilliant you are, Ben.” She squeezed his hand. Ben did not squeeze back, but held her hand a little firmer. “I’m going to tell you this because I love you, and you need to understand,” he nodded slightly, but kept his gaze down. “There…there are a lot of people out there who do not understand mental health, and believing being depressed is some self-imposed condition or something to be worshiped—it’s _not_.”

“I know that,” he mumbled, looking back up at his godmother, “I know that…that not everyone understands that my brain just…” he shook his head, hair flopping in his eyes, “I just _wish_ —I just thinking dating is going to be hard,” he concluded lamely.

Jyn sighed, releasing his hand. “It’s rough because you’re a romantic at heart Ben,” she smiled fondly, “and you want to find your person now because you think they will fix everything. Nobody can fix somebody, only you can fix yourself.”

“You sound like you are speaking from experience,” Ben squinted at her, as Jyn began to merge back on to the road.

She shrugged a shoulder, “Maybe I am,” glancing at the clock, she shot him a wicked grin, “Want to get some ice cream before we head back?”

Ben nodded, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

* * *

 

**April 17 th 2013**

“Agh!”

Jyn and Cassian jumped at the loud exclamation, followed by the front door slamming. Steps echoed in the house as Rey ran to her room, her bedroom door slamming behind her. Several sounds of books being thrown on the floor caused the couple to flinch, but their worry subsided when they heard loud wailing apologies to said books.

The couple shared a look.

“Is it my turn or your turn?” Cassian asked, looking up from his book hesitantly.

“She’s my child on Monday, Tuesday, Thursdays—it’s Saturday.”

She rose an eyebrow.

Just then Rey’s door was flung open, “ _BOYS ARE STUPID! I NEVER WANT TO DATE AGAIN!”_

The door slammed shut once more.

“Well then…” Cassian’s eyes widened.

The distinct bang of the door was heard once more, a frustrated huff coming from Jyn on the other side of the sofa.

Their daughter was treading on thin ice.

A second later, Rey came charging out of the room, no longer dressed in the blue skirt and beige blouse she wore on her date, but sweatpants and old t-shirt.

They heard her rummage around the kitchen, Rey appearing moments later with a tub of cookie-dough ice cream. Unceremoniously, she plopped herself in the space between her parents on the sofa.

“I never want to go on a date again,” she punctuated her sentence by ripping off the lid, “because all guys do is talk about themselves and stupid careers and how they want trophy wives and whatnot,” she grumbled, shoving her spoon into the tub. “So I am deciding right now—I am _never_ getting married, I am _never_ having children, and I am _never_ , ever going to be that stupid wife who just stands there to look pretty.” She rolled her eyes, shoving ice cream in her mouth. “This is my fight against the patriarchy!”

“So…date went bad?” Cassian inferred.

Rey narrowed her eyes and violently shoved more ice cream in her mouth.

* * *

 

**January 15 th 2016**

“One chocolate-vanilla swirl for the lady,” Ben announced, handing Rey her soft-serve ice cream, “And a strawberry for me.”

They clinked their cones awkwardly together, both accidentally mixing the flavors.

A giggle escaped Rey, she quickly swiping the strawberry off her cone with her tongue, “Don’t want it to ruin the aesthetic, you know?”

“Exactly,” Ben nodded, as they slowly began to walk away from the soft-serve stand by the boardwalk.

For a Friday afternoon and mild weather, the boardwalk was pretty sparse, except for a few lingering couples and families. They decided to go to a beach a couple of towns over, far enough away from campus, but close enough for an easy drive.

Most of their date was spent walking and talking, Rey convincing Ben to play against her in a few of the games lining the boardwalk. Both their competitive steaks won out, a bet made between the two—whoever won the most games in the span of two hours would win bragging rights, and the loser buying them ice cream.

Ben, naturally, lost.

But he did win her a stuffed dog at one of the games.

“ _It’s the dog you said we’d always get.”_

She didn’t think he’d remember her silly ramblings as a child, however, he did. The thought caused her insides to summersault.

Hesitantly, she grabbed his free hand.

He instantly intertwined their fingers.

Peeking up at him, she smiled shyly, “I think this might have been the best first date I’ve ever had.”

Ben peered down at her, an easy grin forming on his lips, “Same,” he nodded once.

She ducked her head away, only to look back at him a second later.

He was still gazing at her with that stupid, silly grin. His dark eyes seemed lighter when it was just them, not brooding or lost in thought.

There and present; there and choosing to be with her.

Rey glanced at his hand, her eyes widening, “Your ice cream’s melting.”

“Shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Ben. What are we going to do with you? *shakes head fondly*
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated; I love discussing the fic with my readers!


	29. A Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!   
> This is sadly not a chapter, but a note about the series!

**Concerning ‘Spring is Sure to Follow’:**

 

I am going to start removing certain chapters of _Spring is Sure to Follow._ This is for personal reasons _and_ logistical reasons concerning plot.

 

Overall, I am in the process of cleaning up and reevaluating the _Of the Seasons_ series in it’s entirety as I am working on the _Trusting December_ sequel for the holiday season. Several chapters will remain intact,but some will no longer part of the series.

 

Along with this, I am marking the work as  **‘completed** ’ for now. I may occasionally post a oneshot in this universe there, but I am not actively writing sections of it as of right now. I am doing this because I don't want to be dragging anyone along for another chapter while I am not working on anything for this fic at the moment.

 

Thank you to those who read, commented and, kudos', and for your understanding!

 

 


	30. A NOTE AND GOOD NEWS

Hello dear readers!

Just an author's note to let you know the _Trusting December_ sequel has been posted! It is available and listed in the series :D

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292221/chapters/40670582>

Here is the summary:

_With their daughters now fully grown, Rey and Ben thought the parenting thing would be smooth sailing. After all Addie and Emery were sweet, intelligent, and driven young women with aspirations to make any parent proud._

_That is until their youngest refuses to leave the house much to Rey's concern, and their oldest has a serious older boyfriend much to Ben's dismay. Some good old fashion meddling and Skywalker family shenanigans should solve their problems. Little do Rey and Ben know their daughters are truly too much like them, to the point history begins to repeat itself._

Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be random -not like I ever stick to my schedules- but mostly once a week.


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